


The Good That Won't Come Out

by fuckedupisperfect



Category: Angel: the Series, Glee
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Angst, Crossover, Depression, Explicit Language, F/F, F/M, Friendship, Humor, M/M, Romance, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-02
Updated: 2013-02-09
Packaged: 2017-11-27 22:10:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 33,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/667035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuckedupisperfect/pseuds/fuckedupisperfect
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Glee/Angel Crossover/AU. After the events of s3 Goodbye, Kurt decides he's not good enough for music anymore if he's not good enough for NYADA. He bunks with Mercedes in LA to join Puck in his pool cleaning career, but somehow, he ends up at a mysterious place called Caritas. He meets a guy named Sebastian Smythe there and weird things start to happen, such as singing, drinking, karaoke therapy, soul sucking, and vampire attacks. It's all part of the plan, though, as far as Sebastian and Lorne can tell. Kurt's just along for the ride and stuff happens.</p><p>(Fill for a prompt.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to [melodiousbird](http://www.melodiousbird.tumblr.com) for being my beta. You made me get shit done.
> 
> This story is based on [this prompt](http://glee-angst-meme.livejournal.com/26699.html?thread=17117259t17117259) from the glee angst meme. Written for the KBB. I suffered through this fic, literally and figuratively. Looking back on it, I don't want to delete it since I still laugh at it from time to time.
> 
> Kurt and Karofsky’s storyline did happen in s2, but Kurt never met Blaine, thus, he never met Sebastian. He never went to Dalton. Everything else pretty much happens how it happens in s3 regarding his storyline with Rachel and NYADA. But none of this is thoroughly examined, really. This was all plotted out before maybe the third episode of s4, but I went back and added some things that refer to s4 canon. Mostly, I didn't take into account characterization/much of anything from s4, which is why Samcedes exists.
> 
> There is no concept of exact year/time this takes place in. There would be no way to connect Angel and Glee if I did use exact time, considering Angel is set in like the 90s/2000-late and Glee is like 2008 or 2009/10/11/12/13. I don’t know.

 

**Prologue**

“ _At first I was afraid, I was petrified… Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side. But then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong, and I grew strong and I learned how to get along_ …” a green man sung into a microphone from behind a piano, then stopped and looked over at the audience.

“Oh, you know what I'm talking about. In this city you better learn to get along, 'cause LA's got it all: the glamour and the grit, the big breaks and the heartaches, the sweet, young lovers, and the nasty, ugly, hairy fiends that suck out your brain through your face. It's all part of the big, wacky variety show we call Los Angeles.”

Laughter poured from all corners of the club.

The green man smiled and continued, “You never know what's coming next. And let's admit it folks: isn't that why we love it?”

-

 

**May**

 

“I didn’t get in,” Kurt said.

 

Burt froze and looked at Kurt. Kurt avoided his eyes and walked into the kitchen quickly. He placed his plates into the sink carefully but they still made a loud noise as they hit the bottom.

 

Kurt walked back into the dining room and looked like he wanted to grab another plate but he never made it to the table. There was a mixture of sadness and resignation on his face as he dropped his head into his hands. Burt made it over to him. “It’s okay,” Burt said as he pulled Kurt into a hug. He patted his back with one hand and mumbled into his hair, “It’ll be okay.”

 

Kurt shook his head against Burt’s neck. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now. I was stupid and all I have left is a school in Ohio. New York is never going to want me now.”

 

“Hey now, kiddo, that’s no way to talk,” Burt said and pushed Kurt in front of him so his hands were on his shoulders and he could look directly into his eyes. “You are brilliant and you will continue to be brilliant even without NYADA. I am just so proud of you for even trying. You made it farther than your old man, and you’re going to get even further if you keep trying.”

 

Kurt shook his head but couldn’t help but smile at his dad because...it was his dad.

 

_I didn’t get in._

 

It was the same thing he had said to the air around Rachel and Finn back at school but it had not sunk in for him at the time.

 

He had been walking around in a haze since then, just moving his limbs to make them work the way they were supposed to. It was only after seeing Rachel off in the train Finn forced her onto that he felt a drop in his stomach and a knot in his throat. His eyes had burned then but he had hurriedly composed himself, even though some of the others in glee club openly teared up because Rachel was leaving and her loud voice wasn’t carrying over everyone else’s anymore. Tina’s hair covered her face. Quinn was already at Yale. Mr. Schue hugged Puck.

 

Finn stopped running after the train and just stood beside the train tracks, staring at the spot where Rachel had waved to him. Kurt looked around once to see everyone dispersing. Tina drew herself away from her tears and let Mike hug her, which only made her sob more as she started talking about how much she was going to miss him.

 

Kurt walked around Brittany and Santana with his head down and watching his feet move, walking on top of the lines and dots on the ground. Purple high tops obstructed his view. He looked up and saw Mercedes frowning at him.

 

“Hey, ‘Cedes.”

 

“Hey,” she said. “I heard that you… didn’t get in.”

 

“Well, yeah. It’s kind of hard not to notice I’m not heading out of here too. You’re going to LA, Santana is going to Louisville, Quinn’s at Yale, Mike’s going to Chicago, and I’m… saying where everyone is going to be while I’m stuck in Lima.”

 

“Kurt, you might be in Lima right now but that doesn’t mean you’re never going to leave!” Mercedes crossed her arms. “In fact, you can come with me if you really wanted to. I could use someone extra to help me pay the bills for room and board…”

 

“I can’t do that to you.” Kurt hugged her. “You’re free, Mercedes. You don’t need someone else’s baggage weighing you down. _You made it out_.”

 

“Okay, shut up. That’s crazy talk, but I might let you continue in case you say something nicer about me.”

 

Kurt smiled. “If I started saying nice things about you this would take a while.”

 

Mercedes side-eyed him and said, “This is getting really sappy. It’s not like we’re the ones saying goodbye now…” She smiled sadly. “Unless this is a goodbye?”

 

“I don’t know. Like I said, everyone’s leaving.”

 

“Not Artie, Sugar, or Tina. Or Brittany. Or, hell, Finn.”

 

Kurt nodded. _Right, Finn_. “I was just about to talk to him. This isn’t goodbye, not yet, at least. I’ll talk to you later, Mercedes, okay? Maybe before you head to LA we could go to the mall, just the two of us?”

 

Mercedes giggled. “Just to bring back memories of the good times, huh?”

 

“Yeah, that and I saw a gorgeous red dress on sale the other day and thought of you.”

 

Mercedes patted her heart with her hand and smiled at him, using that as her cue to exit the scene quickly.

 

Kurt continued walking. When he got to Finn he just stood next to him without looking at him, and sighed.

 

After a few minutes of just standing and possibly re-evaluating their lives, Finn said, “Do you want to go home now?”

 

“Sure. It’s not like I have anywhere else to be,” Kurt replied, his lips stretched into a wide smile.

 

“I’m really sorry, you know,” Finn said, now looking at Kurt with a frown on his face. “That you weren’t on that train, too.”

 

“Nah. I don’t think I could have handled another Rachel Berry solo all the way to New York. I can only love her in small doses.” Kurt chuckled, but it wasn’t contagious.

 

“Yeah. Now we’re going to be getting her in really small doses, huh?”

 

“Seems so.”

 

Finn sighed. “Come on.” He gripped Kurt’s shoulder, smiled at him, and then turned away to walk out of the train station. Kurt just stood there for a few seconds before following.

 

-

 

**June**

 

Mercedes got a phone call from Kurt and almost chose to ignore it, but answered it on the third ring.

 

“Hey, ‘Cedes!”

 

“Hey! What’s up? I wasn’t expecting you to call me so soon!”

 

“Ha ha. I’m sorry. I know it’s been a while…”

 

“So, when did you want to go the mall?”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“I know we’re supposed to drift apart because it isn’t high school anymore. But you’re not even going to college so we can’t have that excuse. Actually, we can’t have that excuse since we parted ways _during_ high school.”

 

“I know, Mercedes. I messed up.”

 

“…You’re admitting you were wrong. You must be really messed up.”

 

“Let’s go to the mall tomorrow.”

 

“Are you serious?”

 

“I’m always serious about going to the mall. But I really meant to call you to ask you something… Do you still need a roommate?”

 

“Wow, you change your mind really fast.”

 

“Okay, seriously, enough with the sarcasm for now. I’ll explain my absence later, but this wasn’t a change of mind, more of a change of heart. I have a job lined up and everything, too.”

 

“Really? Like what?”

 

“Puck.”

 

“ _No_.”

 

“Yes!”

 

“No, no, no… Boy, you cannot rock that look.”

 

“Excuse me, are you trying to tell me there’s a look I can’t rock?”

 

“That pool boy look. It doesn’t work on you.”

 

“But you haven’t even seen me in it!”

 

“You know what? Whatever you think works for you, honey. Just make sure you pay your half of the rent and that you shower somewhere else or you do it the minute you set foot into our apartment because I will not tolerate our home smelling like chlorine all the time.”

 

“You got yourself a deal, Ms. Jones.”

 

-

 

**November**

 

Kurt woke to the sound of Santana yelling.

 

“Oh my god, Santana, will you shut up already?” he said out of reflex.

 

They practically worked in the same café so variations of “shut up”, “shut your air hole”, “stick something in your pie hole or up your other hole”, “shut your mouth”, and “pipe down” were fairly common; however, they usually included a number of swear words and Spanish vulgarities uttered quietly to not upset the customers.

 

All he had to do was yell one of the same variations over and over again and she would finally shut up while he was brewing coffee and reading a magazine at the same time, or trying to catch some sleep behind the counter without his boss noticing.

 

“Shut up! I’m trying to…” Kurt’s eyes adjusted to the darkness. He blinked, once or twice, and realized he was not at their apartment. His hands frantically pushed at the walls around him but never got more than ten inches away from him.

 

“Oh my god. Santana. Santana!” Kurt yelled as he kept pressing and pushing the walls all around him.

 

“Kurt!” Santana’s muffled voice rang. “We’re trapped. I already broke three nails doing what I think you’re doing.” Her voice shook.

 

“Are you in a box?” Kurt said.

 

“What?”

 

“Are you in a box?”

 

“Yeah! What did you think we were in, dumbass?”

 

“I think I’m in one, too!  We must be close to each other, but we have to stop yelling or we’ll lose our air.”

 

“Shut up then!”

 

-

 

**September**

 

“Hey,” Sebastian said.

 

“ _Hey_ ,” Kurt said. He smiled at him and nodded.

 

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “I… missed you these days…”

 

Kurt gestured for him to go on.

 

Sebastian sighed and said, “I thought you might call. It’s been weeks.”

 

“ _I’ve been crazed_ ,” Kurt sing-replied.

 

“I seriously can’t believe this is what you meant by role-playing. This is the opposite of sexy.”

 

“Sebastian, you agreed on these terms already. Now, continue your lines. Or, rather, sing them like you’re supposed to.”

 

“You know if you really wanted to live in a musical I know just the right demon we could conjure—”

 

“ _Sebastian_.”

 

“Fine, fine. Just don’t stare at me for too long like that because I _will_ laugh in your face.”

 

“Sebastian…”

 

He sighed once again, but this time, with more flair to project his inner turmoil. “ _Hey, say, have you been on the scene?_ ‘Cause you look like a mess.”

 

Kurt tried to stop himself from laughing. “ _Thanks, I guess_.”

 

-

**March, a year before**

A teenager walked into a seedy looking casino, demons on either side of him. One in particular met him in a room. The teenager sat down, his face suggesting he didn't want to come there but he felt like he had no other choice.

 

“I didn’t expect to see someone like you come to a place like this,” the demon said.

 

“I heard about what you can do for people. How you can change their future.”

 

“I don’t change their future, I just give them present happiness. I can give you anything you want. Love, money, fame. But it comes with a price.”

 

“Name it. I’ll give up anything for it.”

 

“Even what you came here for? Because you must trade your future.”

 

“I don’t have a future without what I want.”

 

“What do you want then?”

 

“Ever since I revealed what I am, I have had no one. No support, no friends, just nothing. My mom thinks I have a disease and my dad won’t talk to me anymore. So, what I want is a companion. I want someone that can never leave me.”

 

“You got yourself a deal, Mr. Karofsky.”


	2. Solo Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt chases a cat.

**Chapter One: Solo Mission**

“It looks swanky,” Kurt said.

 

“I think you mean it looks amazing,” Mercedes said, throwing him a look over her shoulder for a second while walking ahead of him. She was carrying a box that was covering most of her upper body from view since it was so big. Kurt wondered if he should offer to help her with it but he had a few bags in his arms too.

 

Mercedes dropped the box on the ground with a huff, and sat down on their plastic-covered couch.

 

Kurt and Mercedes had arrived at their apartment in the middle of August. It wasn’t that hot, but it was a change from Ohio’s air. They had driven to LA in Kurt’s car—the three of them: Puck, Mercedes, and Kurt. Puck went off to scope out places he and Kurt could clean pools, leaving Kurt and Mercedes to wallow at their new home. It wasn’t a bad looking apartment. It was on the fifth floor of an apartment complex with two bedrooms, one kitchen that was pretty much a add-on to the living room, and one bathroom that was located next to the entrance. There were also two balconies, one off one bedroom and the other off the living room.

 

It was daytime, they had power, and there was no sign of cockroaches yet. LA was looking pretty good so far.

 

“I’m so glad you decided to come to LA with Puck,” Mercedes said while laying a hand on her head to wipe at sweat. She relaxed into the couch. “There was no way we could carry the big things in here by ourselves.”

 

“Yeah,” Kurt replied as he walked over to the room he wanted to claim. The door was open, leading him into a room with light blue walls, a small bed lined up against the wall, a large window with a small balcony, a small closet, and a small chestnut desk in the corner of the room. He dropped his bags on the bed and unzipped one of them to take out some clothes and hang them up in the closet but decided against it. “We should have made him carry in our bags too!” he called out from the room. “I’m going to have to make three more trips in order to get all my stuff here.”

 

“You mean all your clothes,” Mercedes said as Kurt walked back to the living room and up to the refrigerator. He pulled out two water bottles and handed one to Mercedes, dropping onto the couch next to her.

 

There was just the sound of their gulping, exhaling, and people yelling outside.

 

“Well,” Kurt said.

 

“Yup,” Mercedes said.

 

“I’m going to go and get the rest of my stuff…”

 

“Go ahead. I’ll be right here.”

 

Kurt bent forward to make sure his boots were still tied on tight, and then made his way out the door.

 

“Or maybe I’ll just watch you from the balcony,” Mercedes said before he completely left, making him stop at the door. “Because, damn,” she continued, “watching you haul your big-ass suitcases stuffed full of scarves is like watching Lena Dunham stumble onto the Golden Globes stage.”

 

“I love you, Mercedes!” Kurt said as he walked out, waving her off without looking at her.

 

Mercedes cackled.

 

-

 

Puck lived across the hall where Kurt and Mercedes lived. He came over when he was bored or when he wanted food.

 

He also came over around six in the morning to get Kurt. Fortunately, Kurt woke up at five sharp to get his skin regimen, shower, and clothes selection going; (Kurt had eighty pairs of swimming trunks to choose from. He had counted them all when he packed them. He kept track of all his clothes moving over to LA by writing each one down in a notebook. It was more of a scrapbook since there were photos of each outfit or individual piece of clothing—if he didn’t model anything specific—on each page) so, Puck knocking and shouting that early in the morning didn’t bother him.

 

It did bother Mercedes.

 

“Puckerman,” she had growled in her dark pink robe the second time he stood outside their door and knocked loudly in the morning. “You knock your fist onto this door while I’m still sleeping one more time and it will come right back at you, but detached and bloody. You get what I’m saying?”

 

“Yeah,” Puck had replied, looking like he was staring at a tidal wave coming towards him. “Just tell Kurt I’m waiting in the car.”

 

“Tell him your damn self; you have a phone for Pete’s sake. Use it!” She had slammed the door in his face and he had jumped so high his Mohawk almost reached the ceiling. It had been a surprise that other residents didn’t get angry, too, but they were probably used to random people yelling at any hour of the day and just concluded that if it didn’t sound like it was directed at them that they didn’t need to be involved.

 

After Kurt and Puck get into the car with all their pool cleaning equipment, they drive off to have an episode of Adventures in Pool Cleaning: starring annoying rich people, annoying hobos, annoying pet dogs, and annoying sunburns. This job was quite the travesty for Kurt since he burned so easily and didn’t like cougars of any kind. So, to pass the time, Kurt would listen to Puck sing under his breath while cleaning out algae or dead bugs. Yes, he would just listen and not sing himself. Why? Because Kurt was a heartbroken kid that could cover it up easily. Or, at least, he thought he covered it up easily.

 

There was no other way to take Kurt’s sudden lack of taste when he would just let Puck pull out his guitar in the middle of pool cleaning hours and sing a song from Nickelback’s greatest hits. (Kurt appreciated that in musicals, not in some random’s backyard with a yappy poodle.)

 

Kurt was so depressed he wore the same sunglasses twice in one week.

 

While Kurt and Puck cleaned pools, Mercedes went to UCLA to scope out campus. It was near Hollywood, so it was maybe an hour of commuting. They were going to bunk closer but it turned out that the closer they got to Hollywood, the more expensive things got. Commuting was the cheaper option, unfortunately.

 

Kurt and Mercedes mostly crossed paths in the mornings when Puck didn’t make Kurt leave early, and they hung out in the evenings if Mercedes didn’t have homework or a social life. Kurt mostly moped around. He got a job at a café just to keep himself busy since pool cleaning wasn’t exactly a booming business and he needed to get away from Puck once in a while (most of the time). When he and Mercedes had breakfast or dinner together, it was nice to relax for a while and pretend things were different.

 

“Hey, we’re having grilled cheese sandwiches tonight,” Mercedes said, rooting through the refrigerator.

 

“Fat-free cheese?” Kurt asked, not looking up from his Vogue magazine on the couch.

 

“If you want that, make it yourself.” Mercedes looked at Kurt oddly while holding cheese and ham in her hands. “Are you doing okay? Normally you’re the one all gung-ho about making dinner, or, well, any meal. Weird meals with names I can’t pronounce.”

 

Kurt sighed and closed the magazine, setting it on the small table in front of the couch. “I’m fine, Mercedes. I guess I’m just bored.”

 

Mercedes frowned, thinking intensely, then her face brightened. She dropped her items on the kitchen counter and said, “You can duet with me on one of the songs for my album!”

 

Kurt stared at her. “No.”

 

“What? Why not?”

 

“Because… I just don’t think I can go in that direction anymore.”

 

Mercedes gave him a look, raising an eyebrow. “You mean you don’t think you can have fun anymore.”

 

“I have fun!” Kurt said, offended. “Look!” He pointed at his magazine. “I read. That’s fun.”

 

“No offense,” Mercedes said as she turned away from him to fix her sandwich. “But I think that’s the same magazine you’ve been reading all week.”

 

“I don’t have any others, actually. I might have burned them in a fit of rage on the last day of school…”

 

“Oh my God, Kurt, you need help.”

 

After dinner, Kurt cut his time with Mercedes short by bailing to his room claiming he needed to ‘pray and meditate’ (“But you’re an atheist!” “And?”). Instead, he went out on his small balcony and called Rachel.

 

“Hello, you have reached Rachel Berry!”

 

“Hey, Rach.”

 

“Kurt! How are you? I haven’t seen you in forever!”

 

“Yeah, that’s because we live on opposite sides of the country.”

 

“I miss you so much. Today, there was a mouse in the apartment—”

 

“ _Oh my god_.”

 

“—I know, and I imagined that if you were there, I would start singing Blondie’s ‘One Way Or Another’ to the mouse while you, my dear friend, would hide under a blanket on top of the dining table doing the harmonies when your throat wasn’t caving in on itself in pure fear. I did, of course, catch the mouse eventually and set it free. But if you were here, you would call our hunky neighbor to catch it for us and I would fall in his arms and—”

 

“Okay, this got way more elaborate than it needed to be.”

 

The conversation continued on like that for most of the time. Rachel babbled on about her time in New York and the city and how much of a monster her new dance teacher was. Kurt asked her questions about it, too, and reassured her about her evil dance teacher (“You are Rachel Berry and she’s a nobody!” “I know, but she gets right in my face and it’s scary sometimes!”).

 

“So, Kurt,” Rachel asked after telling him about ‘this one time I tripped’. “How are you? Really?”

 

“To tell you the truth?” Kurt said. He heard people yelling in the background of Rachel’s side and desperately wished he was there instead of in LA. It wouldn’t be that hard to change the scenery. The nightlife was loud and the crime rate was high in both places. It would just be a case of him teleporting himself there.

 

“Yes?” Rachel said when Kurt didn’t say anything else.

 

“I don’t feel like myself anymore,” Kurt said quietly. “Lately, I don’t feel like I have the courage to call my dad anymore. I wasn’t even going to call you.”

 

“It’s okay, Kurt, I don’t call my dads either,” Rachel said. “We’re living on our own so it feels like we have to be on our own. Even if it’s lonely… but it’s always lonely when you’re at the top.”

 

“I don’t feel like I’m on top, either, though,” Kurt said. “I don’t feel like I’m anything sometimes. It’s like my life is just the number of meals I eat a day, which makes things worse since my food selection lately hasn’t been stellar. I want to call my dad but I feel that if I do that I’ll ask him to come get me or let me come home.”

 

Kurt heard signs of shifting on a surface (or maybe static) on Rachel’s end, and then heard her mumble something unintelligible.

 

“You’re… just scared right now,” Rachel said, her voice sounding louder in the phone. “It’s being in a new place. You’ll calm down and things will go back to normal once you get your footing! Remember, New York was the plan so you aren’t prepared for Los Angeles. But, soon, you will be.”

 

Kurt could hear the signature Rachel Berry smile through the phone, but it just didn’t cheer him up like it used to before.

 

“Okay, listen to me, Kurt,” Rachel continued and Kurt could tell she was gearing up for a speech. “Everyone is blunt and sarcastic and dramatic, and everything just _matters_ so much right now. It's overwhelming. But that's what makes it so exciting! But it's also what makes every disappointment feel like the end of the world.” Then, as an aside, she muttered, “Hmm, I’m not sure what my point is—”

 

“I’m at apocalyptic levels then,” Kurt interrupted her.

 

“Don’t be! I’m at NYADA right now and it’s obviously not all I hoped it would be. It’s still good, though, and you want to know why? It’s because I am Rachel Berry and I know what I want. I can beat these classes, and you can beat whatever you have because you are Kurt Hummel and you mean business.”

 

“You just told me you didn’t know how you were going to beat your dance teacher.”

 

“That was when I was coming to you for advice, and now I’m giving you some. Really, Kurt, you should know this. This is best friend protocol.”

 

They talked a bit more, scheduled a time to Skype, and hung up.

 

He went to bed feeling a bit lighter but it wasn’t enough.

 

-

 

One day, while walking back to his and Mercedes’ apartment (which they began to call “the condo” in hopes of tricking random eavesdroppers into thinking they were rich and famous) still in his pool boy outfit after finishing a fruitless day of pool cleaning, he bumped into Brittany and Santana. The girls were wearing the same kind of short dress but in different colors and had their hair up in elaborate ‘dos.

 

“Kurt! Hi!” Brittany said, pouncing on him and hugging him tightly.

 

“Hey, Britt!” Kurt squeaked. He tried prying Brittany off of him. “What are you two ladies doing here?” Failing at prying Brittany off of him, he just looked over her shoulder and at Santana, saying, “Weren’t you supposed to go to Louisville for college?”

 

“Yeah,” Santana said, pulling Brittany off of Kurt. “But that didn’t work out too well. Turns out colleges don’t accept you unless you’re the one applying for yourself.”

 

“Sorry,” Brittany said.

 

“Oh, Britt, it’s not your fault,” Santana said, grabbing her hand in hers. “It’s Coach Sue’s fault.” She turned to Kurt and whispered, “I threw a garden gnome through her window right before I left Lima to come here.”

 

“So… you’re just winging it?” Kurt asked.

 

“I stole the idea of coming here from Mercedes, but, basically? Yeah, It’s fun. Britt and I just sing in coffee shops and bars, and when someone is _really_ drunk we steal their wallets when they’re not looking. It’s great!” Santana and Brittany high-fived each other, grinning madly.

 

“Wow, that really is great, Santana. I think being jailbirds might suit you, too,” Kurt deadpanned.

 

“Oh, please, grandma,” Santana said, putting her hands on her hips. “No one is going to catch us! No one cares about that stuff here. I hear stories about theft and murder all the time and the police do shit all. This place is practically a giant violent playground.”

 

“Really?” Kurt said in disbelief. “I’ve lived here for about three weeks now and I haven’t seen anyone get murdered or mugged.”

 

“You’re doing LA wrong,” Santana said. “Or maybe you just live in a better neighborhood. Or maybe you just live in a boring, sleepy one. Or maybe you just aren’t looking.”

 

“Or living,” Brittany said.

 

Kurt’s eyes bugged out at her.

 

“Yeah,” Santana said as nodded at Brittany. “I heard about those stories too. But don’t piss yourself, Hummel, they’re just ghost stories. Though I guess you’d know all about those since you’re probably related to a high number of them. The LA sun has done nothing for your skin.”

 

“What are you prattling about?” Kurt said. “I’m beginning to think you two belong in an asylum and not a jail now.”

 

“There’s vampires here,” Brittany said. “I saw one.”

 

“Brittany, no, you didn’t,” Santana said, confused.

 

“Yes, I did, and she was hot,” Brittany said. “But not hotter than you if you’re worried about that.”

 

“Why would I be worried about some non-existent vampire’s supposed beauty?” Santana said. “She didn’t have bigger tits than I do, right?”

 

“I love your boobs,” Brittany said, kissing Santana.

 

“Oooookay,” Kurt said. “Yeah, I’m just going to go back to my apartment now. The one I live in with Mercedes, in case you were wondering.”

 

“There were bedbugs in my room in the apartment we rented so we bought our own house,” Brittany said. “It has only one bedroom so fewer bedbugs live in it.”

 

“How were you able to afford a house?” Kurt exclaimed.

 

“My little sister is loaded,” Brittany replied.

 

“Anyway, it was nice talking to you, Lady Trunks,” Santana said, pulling Brittany away gently by the arm. “We’re off to sing at an amazing animal shelter. It’s Britt’s favorite gig.”

 

“They have cats that I take pictures of so Lord Tubbington has legal porn,” Brittany mumbled quickly.

 

“Wait, that’s legal?” Kurt asked but Santana and Brittany were already walking away from him and yelling their goodbyes. Kurt shook his head and said to himself, “It figures that those two would have better luck than me when they’re going to be singing to _animals_.”

 

After finding out Brittany and Santana were living in LA, Kurt started seeing them around more. It helped that they, in turn, found out which café Kurt worked at when they were dropping in on Mercedes (Mercedes and Santana were aggressive Farmville rivals). They began singing there during Kurt’s afternoon shifts. Kurt wasn’t sure if he was supposed to find it as a cry of attention or help, or as just another way to bother him.

 

“I just really like the coffee here,” Santana said when he asked about their new mission to mock him in at least one song they sing each time (while they sang “If You Were Gay” they kept looking at him. Kurt was too busy being shocked that they knew the song to be offended). “Also, the staff here is great. They write my name on the cup correctly _every time_.”

           

“The walls are nice, too. I like the way they’re spaced,” Brittany said. “But Cranky’s Cool Cats and Crows for Caw-doption have better walls because they have yarn balls on them.”

 

“It’s the tacky pattern of the wallpaper, right?” Kurt said.

 

“No, the yarn balls are soft and get tangled when you play with them.”

 

Kurt’s disbelief at this interior decoration faux pas made Brittany think he needed to see the walls in person, so Santana and Brittany dragged him to their daily animal shelter gig one other day.

 

This was the one other day of his life that would change most of his life forever (at least two months of it).

 

The animal shelter was really called Cranky’s Cool Cats and Crows for Caw-doption. Kurt blinked three times before he told himself to not freak out over such a long and unnecessary title of a store.

 

“This is a shelter, not a store, Hummel,” Santana said. “I can hear you thinking of shorter names for it in your head from over here.”

 

“Here,” Brittany said, shoving a handbook into Kurt’s hands once they walked inside. “This will tell you all you need to know about the cats you’ll adopt.”

 

“Buying and breeding is for losers,” Santana said while smiling widely at everyone in the vicinity.

 

They started walking past people and into a huge room that had a few stacks of long cages filled with light-colored bedding and small animals laying around in it, yawning and stretching occasionally. A gate was set up in a circle in the middle with a few kittens playing in it.

 

“I’m not adopting or buying any animals. I’m just here to look at the walls, apparently,” Kurt said while discretely putting the handbook behind his back and sliding it onto a table behind him. “And Satan, you sound really rehearsed.”

 

“Shut it, Lady Ga-gay, we get business here by being friendly,” Santana said. “Also, Lord Tubbington was adopted.” She turned away from Brittany and mouthed to Kurt, “He’s also neutered, thank god.”

 

“Oh, Kurt, come here,” Brittany said, already at the playpen and bending over the gate to pet a kitten. “This little guy is still here. I named him Franco yesterday.” Then she pointed at a stool and a wooden hutch in the corner of the room. “And over there is our singing box. Santana and I stand on it when we sing.”

 

“’Smelly Cat’ is Britt’s go-to song. She’s a beast at it,” Santana said with pride.

 

“No, really, where are the yarn-covered walls?” Kurt said as he glanced around uncomfortably.

 

“Oh no, not you people, too,” a woman with a nametag that had _Josie_ on it said to Kurt, glaring at him and making him step away from the playpen. “No, I’m tired of people coming here just to look at the dumb walls and not adopt a single animal! You can just go. Teenagers and their need to be stupid can just go!”

 

“No, we sing,” Brittany said as she moved over to an open kennel and peered inside. “I’ll even sing while holding this cat.”

 

“We can promote it!” Santana said, lifting a finger in the air.

 

“No, put the poor cat down right now, young lady!” Josie said as Brittany walked to the ‘singing box’ with a yellow striped cat from the kennel. “That’s Sadie, and she’s not up for adoption!”

 

Kurt grimaced. “This is not going to end well,” he said but everything was so loud that he might have not said anything at all.

 

“Okay,” Brittany said. She opened her arms, letting the cat drop. Sadie landed on all fours and bounded towards Josie, but went right past her and out the door.

 

“No, Sadie! Come back!” a little girl yelled as Josie ran to the door.

 

“Brittany!” Santana said. “Why on earth did you do that?”

 

“Sadie wanted out and Josie wanted her away from me,” Brittany said. “I didn’t know she’d run away, though.” She started crying. “I failed her. ” She stared at Kurt, her eyes not budging from their wet state as she trembled. “Santana and I are going to jail. We’ll need to be adopted now or we die. It’s over.”

 

Kurt groaned. “Okay, you know what? You two hang tight, or pay a fine, I don’t know. I’ll go grab the cat—”

 

“Sadie.”

 

“— _the cat_ and everything will be fine. Okay, Britt?” Kurt said, grinning much too widely that it couldn’t be comfortable.

 

“Just go, Hummel. Sadie’s a runner and your face is giving me hives,” Santana said as she hugged Brittany.

 

“You’re welcome,” he said as he ran out the door.

 

-

 

Kurt realized he had underestimated what the term ‘runner’ meant after he had been running after the darn cat for well over twenty minutes. He didn’t really know where he was anymore, but now that he was this far into finding a cat he wasn’t going to stop.

 

“Sadie, I’m sorry I called you an idiot three minutes ago. Please stop running away from me!” Kurt yelled as he pushed past a couple about to smooch. He spotted a yellow striped tail curl away from a building corner and ran there, his breaths heavy. His legs were covered with sweat, which caused his skinny jeans to stick to him more and make his legs itch. His hair was at least one inch shorter than how he stacked it that morning. He lost his scarf when he was jaywalking one time. He even tripped downhill, and when he sat up the cat was looking at him from across the street on top of a bench while licking its paws, its brown eyes twinkling at him.

 

Basically, he was miserable and the world hated him.

 

“Sadie, come back,” Kurt said as he limped past a fire hydrant.

 

His voice was scratchy because his life sucked.

 

He finally spotted Sadie in her entirety; she was lounging on top of a trashcan in an alley, yawning. He walked up to her quietly, willing his boots to not make a noise as his feet crunched plastic and wrappers on the filthy ground. He held his hands out hoping he had a calming stance so he could get close enough to yank the cat in one go.

 

“Come on, girl,” he whispered. “Good kitty. Come here.” He was so close he could count Sadie’s whiskers. He reached out his hand when he heard a snap behind him, causing both of them to turn their heads towards the noise sharply. It was another cat that looked exactly like Sadie. It ran past Kurt, and Sadie followed it.

 

“No! Come back!” Kurt cried in exasperation, tears of frustration burning in his eyes. “If I don’t catch one of you in the next four minutes I am letting them go to jail to rot in it forever.”

 

Four minutes passed and he had pounced on the cat he had been chasing the longest (he wasn’t sure if that was correct or not but by that point he didn’t care if Sadie got eaten by a two-headed alligator). “Gotcha!” he said. He stood up while wrestling with the cat for a good grip. “Ow!” he yelped when the cat’s sharp claws scratched his elbow, causing him to drop her. “I hate you…” he said as Sadie ran away, disappearing into the darkness. He whimpered and swore with no heat to his voice since he was pretty tired and incapable of putting much passion to his cursing. (If he hadn’t been tired he might have started composing hate songs in his head.)

 

Kurt stood around for a few minutes to get his bearings. It was dark, kind of cold, and he realized that the scarf he had lost was the one Rachel had knit for him. (No real loss. It had been hideous.) He started walking along the only path he could see as he took out his phone. “It figures there would be no signal. Great, just great,” he muttered. Red brick, black brick, and brown brick walls on buildings were all he could see if he could squint and look through the small spurts of fog seemingly emanating from below him.

 

He began to panic.

 

He held his phone in the air, jumping up and down as quietly as he could to not draw any unwanted attention, while babbling under his breath, “I’m going to die, I’m going to die, oh god, I’m going to die.” _I’m not going to die. I’m just lost. And alone. In a dark alley at night, and no one knows where I am…_

The saddest part? If he died, it would be because he had been chasing after a stuck up cat named Sadie. That would probably end up on his tombstone because _everyone he knew was a bastard_. “I hate my life,” he said to himself. “I’m going to die and it will be no one’s fault by my own. I can’t even properly blame the cat.”

 

Suddenly, he noticed a source of light coming from behind one of the walls. It was a faint red light shining on another wall, making it look like it was where he had to turn a corner. He felt drawn to it, like a moth to a lantern. (That wasn’t a good simile since the moth more than likely dies in that situation.)

 

He stood at the spot where the red light had shined on the wall and instead of there being somewhere he could go to once he turned the corner, there was an entrance leading down a set of concrete stairs and he could distinctly hear voices and music coming from there. He decided to enter the ominous building and just hoped he would find someone who would give him good directions and let him live.


	3. Stranger Flowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt sings and gets drunk at a karaoke bar.

**Chapter Two: Stranger Flowers**

 

When he reached the end of the stairs he saw a sign that had “no guns or violence allowed” in cursive writing on it, and heaved a gigantic sigh of relief. It was like his heart rate immediately steadied in that one perfect moment.

 

Then he saw a guy with blue skin, scales seemingly flaking off of his head, and three arms—each arm crookedly attached to a hand with a wine glass in it.

 

Imagine someone frantically running away from a lion and, in order to get away from the lion, climbing into a wooden box on the ground to hide. Then, when the coast is clear, this someone is so happy to know he is alive, and then he starts feeling small little legs and arms crawling on his skin, inside his clothes, in his hair, and even in his mouth. Imagine the look on that someone’s face. Imagine the pure horror and disgust and the need to get out of that horrific, little, dark box.

 

Now, imagine that look on Kurt Hummel’s face.

 

Kurt did not do what any normal person would do when faced with an improbably scary situation (run, scream, hide—even in a box from a fucking lion—or even call 911 or someone else). He began to sing instead; however, it was more of a mumble since he was so scared he was shaking in his very fashionable boots. It wasn’t much, but it was a small step from Kurt’s Summer of Discontent where he managed not to sing at all or even so much as hum along to a tune he liked on the radio.

 

“…And whistle a happy tune… I… don’t remember this song _how do I not remember this song I’m going to die_ ,” Kurt sang, sort of.

 

“ _So no one will suspect you’re afraid_ ,” some random tall guy in a suit sang, except, when Kurt turned to look at him he noticed the guy had green skin, claws, and red horns. So, it wasn’t a random guy; it was a random demon and it was going to eat him.

 

“Hey, I’m not going to eat you. Didn’t you read the sign?” the green guy said, and then he glanced around while walking in a circle with his arms out at his sides. “Does _anyone_ here read the sign?”

 

“I read the sign!” a guy’s voice called out from somewhere in the bar.

 

“No one cares, Sebastian! You aren’t a danger to anyone, anyway!” someone else yelled, which caused laughter from several points in the room, but by this point Kurt wasn’t listening to anything but the pounding of his own heart as it packed its bags and planned its getaway from his body.

 

_Crap_ , Kurt thought, yet still hummed a bit because for some reason he couldn’t stop awkwardly doing it when he was afraid. _I’m in some sort of demon bar. They probably drink wine and human blood together for fun. And play sacrificial rituals instead of pool._

“Really, you need to relax, sugar,” the green demon said as he stood in front of Kurt and looked into his eyes. “No one is going to hurt you here. Even if they didn’t read the sign, this ground is protected by a spell that prevents violence from happening.”

 

“Magic?” Kurt said, his eyes still wide and his voice very high.

 

“Yes, you are very correct!” the green guy said. “This is a sanctuary for everyone: demons, vampires, humans, you name it. All you need is the desire to drink and have fun and the spirit of music in your soul!” Somehow, he had been leading Kurt to a table and now they were both sitting at it. “I am the host of this lovely establishment. It’s called _Caritas_. Do you know what that means?”

 

“It sounds Latin,” Kurt said slowly.

 

“Ding ding ding! It’s Latin for ‘mercy’. That should make you feel at home, huh?”

 

The host took a sip from what looked like a Seabreeze. Kurt took this chance to look around and noticed just how many demons and humans were interspersed in the bar, and none of them looked the slightest bit scared of one another. The lights were dim, but there were colorful lamps hanging from the ceiling around the bar counter and near tables. The overall atmosphere was dark and blue and purple, red light coming from where the drinks were served and stocked.

 

At the center against the wall of the bar was a huge stage with blue curtains currently hosting a woman singing Barbra Streisand while looking at a screen with words on it. She was terrible.

“Anyway, kid, I noticed you were pretty scared. What brings you here?” the host said, leaning forward.

 

“Um…”

 

“Well, actually, I already know. I was just asking to be polite.” The host smiled, the red of his lips stretching over his green cheeks. “I’m a demon, as you know, and I can read your aura—especially when you sing. That’s how I was able to notice you so fast. It was really nice since everyone tends to notice me first!” When Kurt didn’t do anything but stare at him, the host laughed and pointed at himself. “Green skin… horns.”

 

“Oh, I’ve noticed,” Kurt said in a faint voice.

 

“I’m actually one of the nicer looking ones,” the host said, laughing some more.

 

Kurt nodded. “I’ve also noticed how sensible your suit is. It really goes with your kind of green.”

 

“I’m so happy you’ve noticed that, too. No one appreciates how the lighting affects me,” the host said. He suddenly got up and strode over to the stage where the woman was butchering Barbra. She finished with a crack in her voice and bowed. Few clapped. The host removed the microphone from the woman and said into it while laying a hand on the woman’s shoulder, “Well, aren’t you glad that parade is over? I’m going to go talk to Fanny here, but while I’m away, you won’t be without entertainment! Our friend over there at that table—” he pointed at Kurt and winked. “—is going to sing for us!”

 

“What, no,” Kurt said, shaking his head.

 

“Okay, let’s do this over. Everyone, smile; we’ve got a live one on the hook. Hey, sweetie, what’s your name?” the host said as he walked over to Kurt who had already stood up and tried to inch his way to the exit. The host moved his microphone to Kurt’s mouth and nodded at him.

 

“Kurt. Kurt Hummel,” Kurt said as he tried to mentally shake his anxiety away.

 

“Excellent. We got ourselves a backwards Bond!” the host said, looking over at the audience. They didn’t laugh but they clapped nonetheless. “So, all you need to do is go up there and sing your little heart out, all right? No one’s going to judge you.”

 

Laughter came from one of the corners of the club where a man with dark hair and a dark coat sat. The guy was smirking and possibly hoping for an epic crash and burn (the last one didn’t last too long for him to properly enjoy alongside his drink).

 

“Well, I won’t judge you,” the host said as he passed the microphone over to Kurt. “Or, at least, not too much if you can sing well. But it’s not about the singing; it’s about the spirit. Give us a number?”

 

Kurt hesitated, then took the microphone and nodded resolutely as he narrowed his eyes at the demons and people laughing at him. “I will.”

 

The host smiled and walked to the back of the curtains to talk to the woman who had last sang on stage.

 

Once Kurt was on stage, selected his song, and imagined a different audience, he began to sing.

 

_“There was a time when men were kind_

_When their voices were soft_

_And their words inviting_

_There was a time when love was blind_

_And the world was a song_

_And the song was exciting_

_There was a time_

_Then it all went wrong…”_

 

He started out singing every word carefully, but by the middle of it, he started singing with gusto and let go.

 

At the end when he opened his eyes and saw everyone clapping, he felt a euphoria he hadn’t felt since the day he thought gold lame pants were a good idea.

 

There was nothing else meant for this performance, nothing underlying the reasons people and demons were clapping for him. He had just simply sung a song for the heck of it and no one expected anything else, even if he was in front of people with horns and wings and teeth popping out of their backs.

 

He was okay. It was just another group of misfits, albeit dangerous misfits that would hurt him beyond a dumpster diving and a shove into a locker outside of _Caritas_ … But it was another group he could adjust to belonging to, nonetheless.

 

“Wow! Melodramatic, but I know we can all appreciate _Les Miz_ , even in our little American demon corner, right? Right?” the host said, stepping up beside Kurt. “I’ll take this gentleman to the back and Miss Dewy here will take us home with some Motown!” A bug-like creature stepped up, growled once at Kurt as he and the host stepped down, and started singing (which was just more growls).

 

“So, Kurt,” the host began as he stood next to the bar counter while Kurt sat on a stool in front of it. “Why did you pick that song?”

 

“I just really like it,” Kurt said, shrugging. “It’s not actually in my repertoire, but I guess it felt nice to do something out of the box.”

 

“It was also very dramatic,” the host said.

 

“Yeah, well, that too,” Kurt said as he blushed.

 

“To tell you the truth, I already knew what ailed you the minute you stepped inside _Caritas_ and began humming. I just thought you could use a little nudge in the right direction,” the host said.

 

“What do you mean?” Kurt said. “Why do you even want people to sing so much?”

 

“I don’t even want to hear that second question coming from you, but as to your first one, I just mean that just because you were rejected once doesn’t mean you are good for nothing with all your singing, honey. If at first you can’t sing; hum, hum, again. That should be your default mindset. Instead, you find uttering anything challenging because either you’re a) depressed, b) scared of rejection, or c) really terrible. It’s obviously not c, so you decide between the other two.”

 

Kurt blinked and darted his eyes across the room. “My singing is subjective,” he finally said.

 

“And so is my style, but you have to admit I look good in it objectively, cookie,” the host said as Kurt eyed his suit, but Kurt shook his head.

 

“So, this is, what, a therapy session?” he asked. “We sing and you give us advice?”

 

“They sing, and I guide them,” the host said. “In your case, I guided you toward singing. It wasn’t that difficult, to be honest with you. You’re at the tip of your tongue.”

 

Kurt raised his eyebrows.

 

The host clasped his hands together and said softly, “Just do what I said at the very start of your ‘session’: relax. Have a drink or two, meet someone new. Most importantly, you need to have fun and stop drowning yourself in your own low expectations of yourself. Your esteem used to be as high as the clouds but now you’re down in the dumps.” He got behind the counter and grabbed a blue bottle from the shelf on the wall. “Look, I’ll even help you. I’m giving you your first drink, and for free! You can do the rest on your own, because, honestly? I’ve got bigger fish to fry.” The host slid a glass to Kurt and slid out from behind the bar and walked up to a demon that looked like an oversized wrinkly shrimp.

 

Kurt put his elbows on the counter and stared at his drink. It was a blue liquid with foam at the top. There was even a tiny yellow umbrella and lime on the side. “Well,” he said. “Might as well. As they say: when in Rome, do as the Romans do.” He took a small gulp of it, then without putting it down, he drank the rest of it since it tasted so good. He licked his lips when he was done and gazed mournfully at the tiny umbrella. He didn’t have any money with him to buy more.

 

“Hey,” a black and grey demon with fuzz on the top of his head that reminded Kurt of Puck’s Mohawk said. The demon put a red drink with a lemon slice in front of Kurt and jabbed his thumb in the air to point. “The guy in the back sent you this.”

 

Kurt turned in his seat to search for the guy. A boy with brown hair dressed in black gave a short wave in Kurt’s direction and winked. From what Kurt could see in the dim lighting, the boy wasn’t bad looking at all. Kurt blushed and turned to his newly paid drink, then twisted around with it to watch people and demons sing. Or, well, in most cases, try to, which was the case for a man “singing” a song about a woman named Mandy.

 

The rest of the night flew by just like that. Kurt had texted Mercedes sometime in between his fourth and fifth drink (paid by the boy in the back who kept shooting amused looks at Kurt as they both watched attempts at singing karaoke) that he was going to be home very late. He resisted putting down _if I come home at all_ because he didn’t want to freak her out, and subsequently, himself. He was halfway tipsy so it was a surprise he hadn’t put that there, or more than one smiley face. (The latter would have tipped off that something was wrong to Mercedes more than the former would have.)

 

“Hey, cutie,” a man said as he sat next to Kurt. He was tall and had a tattoo on his forehead that read _Jackass_. “Want to get out of here?”

 

Before Kurt could say anything, the boy from the back was suddenly in the man’s face. “I’ve been paying for his drinks all night. He’s mine, so back off.”

 

The man laughed in his face. “ _You_ are seriously threatening _me_? No one is scared of you, Sebastian. But I’ll leave your sweetheart alone just because I need to laugh maniacally for a few hours.” He glanced at Kurt. “It’s a medical condition. But when I get back and you haven’t left with this loser, we can still have some fun.”

 

Once the man had left (laughing maniacally), Kurt said to the boy, “Was he a demon?”

 

“No, just a guy with an unfortunate medical condition,” he replied.

 

“Huh. I thought he was just being funny.”

 

“He’s never funny, don’t let his tattoo fool you,” the boy said. He narrowed his eyes. “You didn’t actually want to go with him, did you? Because I can leave you alone if you want.”

 

Kurt scoffed. “Please, I may be drunk, but I still have taste.”

 

“That means you want to leave with me,” the boy said.

 

“You can stop trying so hard. I was already going to leave with you after my second drink, even though that display of possession was ridiculous and inappropriate,” Kurt said as the boy started smirking. “But by leave with you, I mean make you give me directions so I can find my way home.”

 

The boy’s smirk fell, but he quickly recovered. “I can do better than that. I can walk you home. I’m a real champion like that.”

 

Kurt stared at him and mouthed ‘champion’ to himself in confusion (derision). “I must be… really drunk. I might vomit on you.” He stared at the boy. “I won’t apologize since whatever comes out of my mouth would make whatever you’re wearing look a hundred times better than it is now.”

 

The boy laughed. “Says the one wearing bitch boots. Anyway, I’m Sebastian.”

 

“I’m Kurt,” Kurt said as he got off the stool. “And I can kick your ass with these boots if you try anything while I’m inebriated.”

 

“…I actually believe you,” Sebastian said.

 

“You know, making fun of me isn’t smooth,” Kurt said.

 

“Maybe insults turn you on,” Sebastian said.

 

“…No,” Kurt said and promptly bent over and vomited near Sebastian’s shoes. “Damn. I missed.”

 

“This is definitely a turn off,” Sebastian said, holding Kurt’s shoulders to steer him out of the demon bar. “But since you didn’t end up blowing your load on me, yet, I’ll be a good guy and walk you home, anyway.”

 

“I have a feeling there was innuendo in there but I can’t understand why there’s a dog dancing with a mermaid right now.”

 

“That’s actually one person, er, demon. Her name’s Dee Dee. Don’t run into her outside of _Caritas_.”

 

“Will she eat me?”

 

“No, she’ll want to eat _with_ you. Trust me, being friends with some of these guys is worse than them trying to kill you.”

 

They walked out of the bricked, dark alleys that haunted Kurt’s cat-catching nightmares (actually, Sebastian walked and Kurt hobbled). Kurt remembered telling Sebastian the address where he lived, streetlights, a hand gently rubbing his back as he vomited on the sidewalk, and the color of Sebastian’s shoes. When he sobered up a little, it was 11:28 PM. He could tell because Sebastian’s watch on his wrist was in his face.

 

“Oh, thank god, you’re finally going to walk like a normal person,” Sebastian said, his voice further bringing Kurt out of his alcohol-induced misery.

 

“You know, when the host told me to have fun, he so lied,” Kurt drawled as he straightened his spine, one hand unconsciously on Sebastian’s shoulder to steady himself.

 

“Hey, not all of us are lightweights, sweetheart,” Sebastian said as he walked ahead of Kurt and turned around to face him, walking backwards. “I had fun.”

 

“What, did my walk of shame give you more laughter fodder for the rest of the year?” Kurt snapped.

 

“Nah, just for the rest of the week.”

 

“That’s a relief,” Kurt mumbled, walking forward on steadier feet. “Are we almost to the condo? Things are starting to look familiar.”

 

“Condo? That doesn’t fit the address you told me.”

 

“I mean my apartment. Sorry, joke between my roommate and I.” Kurt rubbed his eyes. “Can’t be blamed. Drunk.”

 

“Sort of hung-over by now, I’ll say. The alcohol at _Caritas_ is different for humans, I think.”

 

“This is normal for me.”

 

“Maybe you aren’t human?”

 

“Ha ha.” Kurt caught up to Sebastian (Sebastian had been walking very slowly but Kurt still thought it was an accomplishment). “Have you known about demons being real for a while?”

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian said in a ‘duh’ tone, and then he grinned. “You could say that.”

 

“It’s so odd,” Kurt said. “I’ve always hated the thought of demons, ghosts, vampires, or just anything supernatural being real… especially vampires… even though I watch The Vampire Diaries… where am I…”

 

“We’re almost to your ‘condo’, your highness.”

 

“No… I mean, it’s just so strange that I don’t feel so scared of them anymore. I actually felt accepted around them. Weird, right?”

 

“I guess,” Sebastian said.

 

“You’re not a man of many words, are you?” Kurt asked.

 

“I actually am 99% of the time I exist, but you’re so pitiful I feel it would be cruel to talk so much to you if you can’t follow more than half of what I’m saying,” Sebastian said.

 

“What?”

 

Sebastian stopped Kurt and made sure he met his eyes. “I need to make sure that what I’m saying is clear to you. Nod for me.”

 

Kurt glared at him but nodded.

 

“Vampires and demons are not your friends. What you saw tonight is not the real world. Lorne believes in peace, but that’s just him. You’re going to end up dead if you think you fit in.”

 

Kurt frowned at him. “I never said I fit in. Who’s Lorne?”

 

“Lorne’s the host. You need Vampire 101 if you’re going to survive,” Sebastian said, ignoring Kurt’s sullen expression. “Vampires are what you’re going to run into more. LA is chock full of them. They’re only second to cockroaches in highest population and annoyance.”

 

“I hate cockroaches,” Kurt said, pulling a disgusted face.

 

“Me too. You need to cut off the head or stab the vampire through the heart with something sharp, like this.” Sebastian pulled out a stake from his coat and put it in Kurt’s hand. “Keep this with you at all times.”

 

Kurt blinked, his brain suddenly clearer. “I need to kill things.”

 

“Yes!” Sebastian said as if he was telling a toddler how to doodle a circle. “They’re just things, Kurt. Cockroaches are the worst since even after you cut off their head, they can still live. Vampires just turn to dust. It’s simple.”

 

Kurt gripped the stake and slashed it through the air, making Sebastian wildly leap away from him. “Like this?” he said.

 

“You need more technique than that, but that’ll do for a newbie,” Sebastian said, catching his breath.

 

Kurt smiled as he looked on ahead. “Oh, it’s my apartment. Thank you so—” He turned around in circles but Sebastian was nowhere to be found. “Huh,” he said to himself. “Maybe I’ve just been talking to myself this entire time. Maybe vampires and demons don’t really exist and this was one big fever dream. Or I sleepwalked. Yeah, that’s it.” He looked down at his hand and clenched his hand around the stake. “Well, then. Never mind.”


	4. Drop It Doe Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt discovers Sebastian is a mouse.

**Chapter Three: Drop It Doe Eyes**

 

“Hey, you think you can hand me that towel over there?” Puck asked Kurt as he lay back on a white pool chair.

 

Kurt reluctantly picked up a towel from the ground near the pool’s edge and walked over to Puck, careful not to slip on the wet marble. He stopped right in front of Puck and looked down at him, nudging his sunglasses down his nose. “Are you planning on doing any work today?” he said, draping the towel over his shoulder.

 

“Aw, come on, do I have to beg for the towel?” Puck whined.

 

“Answer the question.” Kurt held the tip of the towel over the pool with his fingers.

 

“I already worked today! The missus is sleeping now. The Puckasaurus was wild this morning,” Puck said as he leered toward the house behind them.

 

“Oh, _ew_. I shouldn’t have asked,” Kurt said and dropped the towel in the pool.

 

“What the hell? Seriously, Kurt?” Puck moaned, standing up and fishing the towel out of the pool.

 

“Had to get you there somehow, right? Anyway, if you’re not doing anything I’m just going to The Grind. I didn’t sign up to do _this_ job by myself,” Kurt grumbled, picking up his things quickly.

 

“Someone woke up on the wrong side of bed today—oh, no, wait, you’re always this bitchy!” Puck yelled as Kurt left.

 

Kurt whirled around and snarled, “I wouldn’t have woken up on the wrong side of bed if _someone_ hadn’t knocked at my door at 4 in the morning to get this day started and then ended up not actually doing his job all day!”

 

Kurt left without waiting for Puck to respond (Puck yelled back at him but Kurt was too furious to acknowledge his swearing).

 

When he had gotten up early that morning, Mercedes was not happy with him. Last night, once he had dragged his drunk ass back in their apartment, she kept asking him where he had been and what was wrong with him so he snapped at her and told her to leave him alone and that he was going to bed. He felt bad about it once he was lying down underneath his covers, but he forgot about it when he closed his eyes.

 

Opening them again at 4 in the morning and hearing Mercedes and Puck yell from behind doors back and forth wasn’t a good wake up call. It was worse when Mercedes ignored him and he ignored Puck. Brushing past both of them left his stomach feeling unsettled, but he hadn’t been in the mood for a talk with either of them.

He didn’t know if it was just pent up feelings of frustration making him act out or if remembering vampires and demons were real made him act strange. Puck wrote it off as him having his “monthly” and Mercedes decided to ignore him back until he came back to his senses.

 

-

 

Kurt headed to The Grind (the café where he worked at) but ended up making a detour and found himself back at _Caritas_. Somehow, it seemed less scary when it was light outside. It was still pretty scary, though. The fog never seemed to lift and Kurt thought he heard someone chasing after him but it was just his own footsteps making noise.

 

He had called Brittany earlier about losing Sadie but she told him Sadie had never left the animal shelter parking lot and was caught 4 minutes after he left. Kurt hung up before he could get angry with her and Santana and every single cat in America that looked like a yellow striped kitty.

 

The itchy bugs were removed from his box, so he entered _Caritas_ without (that much) fear. When he reached the end of the staircase down into the bar, a bald man dressed in black told him to take off his coat just in case he was harboring weapons of destruction, then sent him on his way.

 

Kurt looked around and noted that the bar was emptier when it wasn’t nighttime. _Perfect_.

 

_“…But there’s nowhere to hide from the ghost in my mind_

_It’s cold in these bones of a man and a child_

_And there’s no one who knows, and there’s nowhere to go_

_There’s no one to see who can see to my soul.”_

Kurt finished singing from up on stage and smiled. He left the stage quickly so a demon could take his place but he didn’t get very far before the host got to him.

 

“Hey, you weren’t trying to leave before saying hi to me were you? That’d be very curt of you!” the host said, or, Lorne as Sebastian called him last night. He was wearing a white suit and held a red drink in his hand. “Get it? Your name is Kurt. You’re curt. Ignore me.”

 

“Sorry,” Kurt said, suddenly feeling abashed. “It felt strange to sing so spontaneously again. I shouldn’t even be here right now.”

 

“You’re right, you aren’t where you need to be right now,” Lorne said. “Oh, wait, would you like me to guide you on what can help you or tell you some hints about your future? It’s such a shame you sing songs that already tell everyone how you feel so I don’t even need to talk to you,” he lamented.

 

“Don’t you have bigger fish to fry?” Kurt said dryly.

 

“No, not today. It’s been pretty slow, actually,” the host said. He walked over to a table next to Kurt, pulled out a chair and sat down. “So, about your song. I can see into your soul, so no need for more dramatics. Now, your future…”

 

“No, I’d rather not know about that,” Kurt said, sitting down next to Lorne.

 

“And why is that, gingersnap?” Lorne asked.

 

“I’d rather not know more about the failures coming my way, thank you,” Kurt said lightly with a deprecating stiff laugh.

 

Lorne was not amused. “Well, with the way your attitude is of course you’re going to have more failure come your way. Being nicer to people helps, too. Also, from what I gathered from your admittedly short performance of ‘The Mirror-Blue Night’—great song choice, by the way; the color blue depicted in any way breaks my heart—is that you need music even if you feel it can’t be a career for you, anymore.”

 

“I’m not hung up on the great power of song, Lorne,” Kurt said, sighing. “I just think that though I may need music, I’m just not good enough for it, not anymore.”

 

“Hey now, let’s not be hasty. If you weren’t good enough then I would have never talked to you here,” Sebastian said, joining their table.

 

“Ah, here comes the—” Lorne began to say but Sebastian cut him off by humming sharply. “Oh, I see,” Lorne said. “Well, I’ll part and leave you with my wisdom, Kurt. Let it sink into your soul.”

 

“Thanks, Lorne,” Sebastian said, dragging out his words to imply he wanted the demon to leave.

 

“Sheesh, getting kicked out of my own table. Tough crowd,” Lorne said as he moved to another table on the opposite end of the bar.

 

“So,” Sebastian said as Kurt looked down at his cuticles on the table. “How about a drink? It’s on me.” He then pointed at his shoes, jerking Kurt’s attention away from his own hands. “But let’s make sure it doesn’t lead to your vomit being near me like last time.”

 

“Sure,” Kurt said, the corners of his mouth quirking up in amusement. “I don’t have money to buy drinks so go all out.”

 

“I have a feeling this relationship is going to make me broke,” Sebastian quipped as he got up to order two drinks.

 

“It’s your fault you want me drunk, Sebastian,” Kurt said while rolling his eyes.

 

“We’re in a bar!” Sebastian exclaimed.

 

“I am well aware, but thank you for your pointing that out. Also, while you’re at it, go buy yourself a new outfit that doesn’t scream wannabe bad boy.” Kurt’s eyes roved over Sebastian’s body, also maintaining a blush on his cheeks against his better judgment. “Seriously, what’s wrong with you? Pairing a polo shirt with a popped collar and a black trench coat? Fashion suicide,” Kurt continued, shaking his head at Sebastian.

 

“Hey, the trench coat comes with the territory,” Sebastian replied, frowning childishly.

 

“What territory?” Kurt said.

 

“Never mind,” Sebastian rushed out while setting two drinks in front of Kurt.

 

“Really?” Kurt grabbed one of them and looked at it with disbelief. “An appletini?”

 

“Like I said,” Sebastian said as he leaned back in his seat. “I don’t want you blowing chunks on me.”

 

“Hmmph.” Kurt took a sip. “You’re just scared you’ll have to drag me back home again.”

 

“As horrifying as that was and sounds, I just don’t want your guts touching my trench,” Sebastian said. He smoothed his hands over his coat. “I’ve had this for a long time, and I don’t care if it makes you want to stick a fork in your eye or whatever hyperbole someone as ‘queeny’ as you can come up with.”

 

“ _Queeny_?” Kurt snarled, his grip tightening on his glass.

 

“Don’t take it personally, sweetheart,” Sebastian said. “Just be glad I’m not calling you the names of food like Lorne does.”

 

“So, I have to settle with you treating me like this?” Kurt said. “I don’t think so lowly of myself to keep myself in the presence of someone like you.”

 

“If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be here right now,” Sebastian said with a smirk, then said with a slightly softer voice, “I was just joking with you. Learn to take a good-natured insult.”

 

“Effemiphobia is not good-natured, you idiot.” Kurt slammed his empty glass on the table. “Buy me another drink as an apology.”

 

Sebastian gaped at him and then straightened up, narrowing his eyes at him. “Fine.”

 

The next twenty minutes went by in a flash with Sebastian and Kurt trying to out-drink and out-insult each other.

 

By the fifth appletini, Kurt was really getting sick of apples. Sebastian’s wallet was getting empty.

 

“Okay, how about this,” Kurt said, stifling a light burp. “Your face…”

 

“Are you in middle school?” Sebastian snorted. “Try again, hag.”

 

“…is meerkatted,” Kurt said and put a hand over his mouth and smiled.

 

“I don’t think that’s a word, but fine, I will concede with you on my rodent face, but only because my own mother said I had one,” Sebastian said as he took a marker and drew a few lines arching out from the bridge of his nose across his cheek.

 

“What the hell are you doing? You are such a child, I swear, Sebastian,” Kurt said, burying his head in his arms on the table, his laughter shaking the table and sloshing the remains of his drink in his glass. He propped his head back up with his hand and said, “Where did… you even get that? Do you just carry it with you all the time hoping someone will _want_ to mistake you for a cat?”

 

“I’m a mouse, duh,” Sebastian said in a very deep voice, rolling the marker over to Kurt. “You’re the cat.”

 

“Please, stop drinking,” the bartender said from behind them whilst drying a cup. “Your conversation is so painfully awkward it makes me want to quit my job just so I can get away from you two.”

 

“That was from _Mean Girls_ , you uncultured swine,” Sebastian shouted roughly.

 

“Alright, Bobur’s right, no more drinks for you two,” Lorne said, coming over to their table and taking away their empty glasses and putting them on a tray. He tried grabbing the half-full appletini from Kurt but he wouldn’t let go. “Up, up. Not everyone here knows about _Mean Girls_ , nor has changed into swine recently.”

 

“That’s a lie,” Kurt said.

 

“I haven’t actually seen it, Kurt,” Sebastian muttered. “I just remember seeing the preview with a girl in that stupid costume eight years ago.”

 

Kurt gasped. “You are a _liar_.”

 

“No, I’m drunk,” Sebastian said, and then a minute later he repeated what he had said with surprise. “Hey, Fuzzy, what’s in these appletinis?”

 

“I object to being called Fuzzy,” the bartender said. “Lorne, can I go home now?”

 

“Apples and alcohol, Sebastian. Tiny apples,” Kurt said, his eyes big as he gazed at Sebastian. “Small like your penis.”

 

“Ouch. I think he wins,” the bartender said. “Can you two leave now?”

 

“Yeah, both of you skedaddle before someone starts crying about there being no ice cubes in their drink which means the polar bears are drowning, again,” Lorne said, finally able to take Kurt’s drink away from him once he had flopped over on the table and moaned.

 

After Lorne left with the glasses and the bartender turned his attention to another customer, Sebastian poked Kurt. “Kurt, I’m leaving. Do you need me to call a cab for you?” He then stilled his hand on Kurt’s shoulder and spoke quietly into his ear, “Or you can come home with me and I can show you just how not small m—”

 

Kurt swatted his fingers away from him and groaned. “No, I’m getting up. I think I’m building tolerance to this stuff.” Kurt shoved his chair backwards with his body and stood up unsteadily. “By the time I turn twenty, I’ll be able to attend dinner parties without feeling like my head’s about to burst. This is good practice.”

 

Sebastian scowled. “You know, by now we’d have fucked at least three times. I don’t just _give_ men drinks.”

 

Kurt glanced at Sebastian dazedly. “You have black lines on your face, Sebastian. Did someone run you over and leave tire tracks on you?”

 

Sebastian sighed and screwed his eyes shut as he rubbed his face with his hands. “It’s only because I’m drunk. This is only because I’m drunk…”

 

A group of what looked like men and a few demons passed by their table. “Oh, hey, look,” a man with a red studded jacket said. “Looks like the neutered guy is trying to appear more tough by drawing on his face to look like a real vamp.” The group laughed as they walked on by.

 

Kurt perked up and frowned. “What are they talking about? Didn’t Lorne say this place was a sanctuary?”

 

“I think only demons can’t do anything violent under the spell. But just because no violence is allowed doesn’t mean threats or insults can’t happen.” Sebastian stood up and gave Kurt a pointed look. “Just look at what we were doing before.”

 

“But that wasn’t serious…”

 

“Yeah, well,” Sebastian said cockily, hands on the collar of his trench coat, popping it up to cover his neck. “They weren’t being serious, either. Don’t listen to whatever anyone says about me around here. They’re all a bunch of delusional freaks.”

 

“Says the biggest delusional freak…” Kurt mumbled.

 

“Shut the fuck up,” Sebastian said, but he didn’t sound offended so Kurt just shrugged.

 

“You can’t help who you are,” Kurt said with a teasing smile.

 

“He definitely can’t help being an impotent vampire,” one of the demons from the earlier group said four tables down. The group laughed, one of the men almost choking on his drink.

 

“Such a horrible vampire he is; it’s a wonder Lorne even lets him in,” a blue and white demon said.

 

“Wait, what?” Kurt looked at Sebastian with trepidation in his eyes. “You’re a… _vampire_?”

 

“You mean it wasn’t obvious?” Sebastian said with an unkind smile. An unreadable expression grew on his face right after, and when he tried saying something else, one of the demons popped up with, “No, he’s hardly a vamp. He can’t even kill a mouse.” Another bout of raucous laughter started up as Kurt turned toward the exit and began to walk away hurriedly.

 

“Kurt, wait,” Sebastian said weakly but Kurt was already gone. His face changed as he stomped toward the group of demons that had taunted him, but he stopped once he was a foot away, knowing he wouldn’t be able to enact vengeance while in _Caritas_. “I hope I see all of you around. I am as much as a deadly vampire as any other vampire in this city, in fact, I’m better—and I can’t wait until I get to demonstrate that to you, personally.”

 

They glanced at each other for a beat, and then broke out into more laughter, slapping each other on the arms, backs, and tails. Glass tinkled.

 

Sebastian slinked away, quickly hiding in the shadows.

 

-

 

The next day, Puck and Kurt started pool cleaning at 9 in the morning. Puck was subdued around Kurt and hadn’t knocked on his door at all as a silent apology. Kurt accepted it by handing Puck his own dry towel when he had accidentally fell into the pool they were cleaning.

 

Kurt and Mercedes hadn’t talked when Kurt had come home the other night, and since he got up later than usual, they didn’t cross paths.

 

Around 1 PM, Puck went off to stand around Hollywood in hopes of something cool happening to him. Kurt went to The Grind. He had pushed away thoughts of apples and demons and Sebastian from his mind as he worked, hoping that if he worked overtime that it would make up for missing two hours of his shift yesterday. It wasn’t easy since it was hard to erase the look on Sebastian’s face when he left. There were actually two looks he couldn’t get out of his head: the one with disappointment but like a deer in the headlights, and the one where Sebastian wasn’t the boy who drew whiskers on his face—instead, there were deep grooves along the bridge of his nose and fangs hanging from his upper jaw, a menacing yellow glint to his eyes and dark shadow and wrinkles along his forehead.

 

Kurt shuddered as he swept a corner of the café with a broom. He didn’t need that in his life. He was better off without Sebastian—he was just a welcome distraction at the time, but now that very, very small phase was over for him. He had work to do.

 

“Hey, Kurt,” Brittany said as she poked him in the arm. Kurt flinched.

 

“Hey, squirt,” Santana said, coming up next to Brittany. “We’re gonna sing now. Anything you want to hear?”

 

“From you? Not really,” Kurt said as he continued sweeping, looking down.

 

Brittany and Santana looked at each other, shrugging (while Santana muttered, “your loss”), and left to the small, low stage in the café.

 

After they sang 3 songs, Mercedes came into the café and walked straight to Kurt. “It’s your lunch break now, right?” she said. “Let’s talk.”

 

Kurt flipped through his options in his head: talk to Mercedes and potentially say something incriminating or keep ignoring her and live around each other in horrid tension forever. Mercedes decided for him by grabbing his arm and dragging him to a table near the stage where Brittany and Santana were performing the song ‘Kiss Me’.

 

“So,” Mercedes said once they sat down. She adjusted her purple hat on her head and clasped her hands together. “Spill. What’s been wrong with you?”

 

“Nothing’s wrong with me, Mercedes,” Kurt grumbled. “I wish you would stop asking me that.”

 

“Oh, I’m sorry. So sorry that I actually give a damn about what happens in your life and worry about you.” Mercedes glared at him. “Friendship is a two-way street. So is rooming together with someone who you think is your friend. If we aren’t friends anymore, please tell me. I need something less subtle than you being a jerk.”

 

“I didn’t plan on hurting you,” Kurt replied after hesitating a bit. “It’s complicated.”

 

“Try me. And before you say the word ‘but’ let me remind you whom you are dealing with here: I am the woman you came out to first and the one who threatened Dave Karofsky for you. I’ve participated in your Murder Mystery dinners. I’ve even watched Gossip Girl with you. If that doesn’t tell you there is nothing I will shy away from when it comes to you needing my help, then nothing will. I will come through for you… Unless it involves burning all my clothes just because you think some of my hoodies are blasphemous to your eyes. You can get over that.”

 

_Okay,_ Kurt thought _. I’ve discovered the existence of demons at a karaoke bar and I might have a crush on a vampire that can’t achieve an erection. Want to help me_ now _?_

 

“Neon is not a color,” he stated instead.

 

“Does that matter? I like it, I think it looks good, I think _I_ look good; so it works for me,” Mercedes said. “But that’s not really the point.” She lowered her voice, concern evident in it. “I can’t continue being your roommate if you’re like this. It’s stressing me out and I already have enough to deal with, with school and singing and bills. I can’t have my best friend unintentionally making me feel like crap being added on top of all that.”

 

“I’m sorry I make you feel like crap, ‘Cedes,” Kurt said, his eyes imploring her to look at him. “Believe me when I say that. I just don’t think I can tell you what I’m going through right now. It’s not that I don’t think you’ll understand…” _Even if it is that. And that I’m afraid you’ll freak out, too._ “It’s just something I don’t want to explain right now. Give me time, okay?”

 

Mercedes refrained from saying what was on her mind and just sighed, short and sharp. “Fine. But I’m not going to stop worrying about you, you know?”

 

“I know. You’re a good friend, Mercedes.”

 

“The best,” she said, flipping her hair over her shoulder. “So, have you been applying to any schools lately?”

 

“No, not yet…”

 

They talked for a few more minutes. Kurt asked her about Sam, she asked him how pool cleaning was, and they had coffee cake. It didn’t get deeper than that, but it was fine for the both of them. Things didn’t need to get deep when it was just the surface that needed a little patching up.

 

Mercedes left with Santana and Brittany to go club hopping. She had asked Kurt to come with but he didn’t feel like going into another bar, even if it wouldn’t be full of creepy and obnoxious demons. So, Kurt just ended up walking back to the condo by himself, toting his bag and takeout—but before he went through the last few streets, he decided to walk around a bit first.

 

Wandering felt nice because it meant his mind could wander too. He still had to be aware of his surroundings so he didn’t get completely caught inside his own head, like he would if he just sat in his room or on the couch and did nothing but think. The sun was just beginning to set when he saw a shadow that wasn’t his. He stopped walking and looked around, stretching his arms out and yawning. Deciding it was probably just a runner; he started to head back in the right direction to the condo.

 

As he made his way back, he fished his phone out of his shoulder bag to check the time. Just as he finished putting his takeout bag inside his bag and pushed his phone in, as well, he felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise. He stilled his movements and strained to hear anything.

 

There was just the distant sound of cars honking and other things you’d hear among the busy city nightlife. Kurt closed his bag, shuffled the strap on his shoulder, and continued walking.

 

A man with teeth bared launched himself at Kurt, grabbing him and slamming him against the wall of a building. Kurt’s bag slipped to the ground and Kurt felt his head bang the wall hard. Before he could cry out, a hand wrapped around his throat and squeezed. Kurt stared at the man—no, the beast. Its face was wrinkled and narrowed and pale. It didn’t speak to him, it only growled and pressed its face to Kurt’s neck.

 

Kurt had been shivering and shaking nonstop, but now he finally moved his arms and legs, which felt like jelly, and kicked upwards with such force he didn’t know he had. Unfortunately, that wasn’t enough to make the vampire move away from him completely, but it was enough to make it let go of Kurt. The vampire growled even louder as Kurt fell to the ground. Before the vampire could pounce on him, Kurt grabbed his bag and flung it as hard as he could at the vampire’s face. The vampire stood still and ripped the bag away from Kurt, spilling its contents.

 

Disoriented, Kurt fell back and then tried grabbing his phone on the ground. The vampire jumped on top of Kurt and tried biting his arm. Kurt managed to roll himself out from underneath when the vampire lost its grip in its frustration with not being able to bite into him and draw blood.

 

Kurt ran with all he had and made it back to his apartment, shutting the door closed and dead bolting it twice. He then called Mercedes, hung up before she could answer, threw his phone onto his bed and curled up underneath his blanket. He didn’t stop shaking as he gasped for breath and cried into his covers, still dressed in his ruined day clothes.

 

He dreamed of eyes bulging out of narrow slits in the dark—yellow acid dripping onto the floor to meet his mutilated body beneath a red sky. His heart was ripped out of his chest, a hole spreading open to his stomach, but he couldn’t lift his head up to see who was holding it. He thought he heard a voice, but it was just static.


	5. Devils On Our Side (All For Love)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian tells Kurt a long, boring, sob story as he hibernates in his trench coat.

**Chapter Four: Devils On Our Side**

“Hey, you okay? You’re a little quiet this morning,” Mercedes said as she sat down on the couch and ate a breakfast bagel. “Oh, never mind, that’s probably asking too much,” she said lightly.

 

Kurt didn’t look up from where he was making his coffee. “It’s okay. I just didn’t get that much beauty sleep last night. How was club hopping with Satan and Britt?”

 

“It was a blast! Those girls know how to have fun,” Mercedes laughed.

 

“Did they steal anyone’s wallets?” Kurt deadpanned.

 

“ _What_ is wrong with you?” Mercedes said.

 

“I guess they just did it while you weren’t looking.”

 

“You really need your coffee,” Mercedes muttered. She ate the rest of her bagel and slung her bag over her shoulder. “Alright, I’m off. I’ll see you tonight?”

 

Kurt looked at her and took a sip of coffee, feeling the warmth splash onto his tongue and dip into his belly. There was hope in Mercedes’ eyes, but she also looked wary of him, like he would snap if she said the wrong word. Kurt smiled. “Y-yeah. I’ll be here.”

 

-

 

After work, Kurt went back to the bar.

 

Before he left, he went back to his apartment and opened his nightstand drawer to retrieve the stake Sebastian had given him. He hadn’t remembered why he had had it there before, but now he knew why he needed it. When he had changed, he noticed the rips in his used clothes he had laid out on his bed to fold and place into his laundry hamper. He thumbed through the layers and suppressed a huff. Of course he hadn’t been killed. He wore too many clothes for LA. It didn’t seem quite that logical in the face of supernatural teeth that should have been able to cut right through the fabric and get into his skin, but he had accepted it at the moment.

 

He didn’t know why he had a death wish, but he couldn’t help but be drawn back to _Caritas_. Maybe he wanted answers, or maybe he just wanted a reason to stay away.

 

He entered the bar along two giggling girls and made a beeline toward a table in the back, but he still managed to get caught by someone.

 

“Hey, you look normal!” a tanned woman with brown shoulder length hair said with a wide grin. “Here, call us if you’re ever helpless.” She gave Kurt a white card with an angelic symbol in black on it, an address and phone number printed at the bottom of it.

 

“Angel Investigations?” Kurt read aloud as he grasped the card in between his fingers.

 

“Yes, we help the hopeless! Our motto and all that.” She seemed distracted as she spoke. “Oh, here are some more cards if you could just—” She stuffed the cards into his hands. “—give these to every human you see here? Thanks!” She started walking away when a man with glasses put a hand on her shoulder, jolting her.

 

“Cordelia, you are pawning off our business cards? You designed those yourself!” the man said in a British accent.

 

“I have an audition to get to; I have no time to chat with more people around here. They’re all bound to get sucked into a portal or get demon ants in their pants and come crawling to us whether it is I that personally hands them a card or not,” the woman, Cordelia, said matter-of-factly. 

 

“Yeah, but I’m not going to be a solicitor. Thanks, but no thanks,” Kurt said as he pushed the cards into the man’s hands, a few spilling out and falling onto the ground. The man sighed and bent down to pick them up while the woman’s eyes sought out Kurt’s hands.

 

“Hey, you forgot to keep one!” Cordelia said. “You’re going to need our help one day, I guarantee you. And you’ll have to pay us. With money.”

 

“What exactly do you do? Kill vampires?” Kurt deadpanned.

 

“Yes! We also hunt demons, stop ghosts, and perform magical feats that are sure to get that demonic eyeball out of your head!” she said. “Tell your friends!”

 

“You know you’re talking about killing all the kinds of monsters in this bar, right?” Kurt said as he accepted another card.

 

“You call them monsters, we call them customers,” Cordelia said. “They come to us, too. Or they would if they had one of our cards. Wes, hand the cards to all the non-baby eating demons here too, would you?”

 

“How am I supposed to do that?” the man, Wes, said.

 

“I don’t know, you’re some rogue demon hunter; don’t you know what each kind of demon is just by looking at it? I have to go now, bye!” She ran off, gracefully maneuvering around everyone so she wouldn’t bump into them.

 

Wes looked queasy as he took a look at all the demons around him and the cards in his hands. He whispered to Kurt, “You don’t suppose you can do this for me?”

 

Kurt didn’t deign him with an answer and just looked at him with judgment on his face until Wes walked away. Kurt stuck around for a few more minutes when he finally got to sit down at the table he tried getting to before. He didn’t see Sebastian (though, he wasn’t sure he had wanted to). He didn’t sing, so he went back home. He actually did see Mercedes that night and they watched Project Runway until they fell asleep on the couch, their heads lying against the others’.

 

He had left the card in the same drawer he placed his stake.

 

-

 

The next day, he came back to the condo to fix himself some dinner alone. Mercedes had a gig as a background singer for some boy band group so she decided to stay at a friend’s instead of commuting back.

 

After setting water in a pot to boil on the stove, he pressed the button on his phone to let his voice mail talk to him in the absence of Mercedes’ voice.

 

_You have three unheard messages._

_“Hey, dude. I was wondering if you wanted to talk sometime? I keep calling you but you’re never there. This voice mail-ing back and forth is getting kind of boring. I’m about to get into the no contact zone so… call me before I have to cut you off. Bye.”_

Kurt poured pasta from a box into the pot of boiling water.

 

 _“Finn showed up at my door today! Isn’t that exciting? Oh, you probably already knew that. Maybe you’re talking to him right now and that’s why you can’t answer the phone and talk to me? Call me back! I need to talk to you. I was making out with Brody when Finn came in and you should have seen both of their faces! It was_ so _scandalous. I can’t wait until I get into The National Squire because of something like this in the future! Call me, okay?”_

_“Hey, hon. Just calling to check in on you. I was making Asian mandarin salad and thought of you. Your father actually likes this meal, so thank you for introducing it to me. I love you! Bye.”_

Kurt was about to put his phone away when it started ringing. He let it go to voice mail as he started rooting around in the cupboards for spices he could use in his pasta.

_“Hey, kiddo. Why haven’t you called me yet? I thought I would be battling with you talking my ear off about the city and how much you’ve been seeing, but I haven’t gotten a peep from you—it’s been months. I thought I would be okay with just giving you space, but this much loss of contact isn’t like you. What’s up with you, son? Well, I’m going to go now. Love you.”_

Kurt bit his lip as he stared into the steam rising from the pot.

 

Eight minutes later, he had a few quick bites of pasta, grabbed a jacket and scarf, and left for _Caritas_.

 

-

 

_“I must have left a thousand times, but every day begin the same_

_‘Cause there’s a small town in my mind_

_How can I leave without hurting everyone that made me?_

_How can I leave without hurting everyone that made me?”_

Sebastian turned around in his seat at the bar when he heard Kurt’s voice. He watched him sing as he took a shot of whiskey. When Kurt’s song was over, Sebastian clapped for him along with a few other people in the bar. Everyone else was mostly occupied with drinking, lurking, or talking intensely with each other.

 

Sebastian almost catcalled Kurt as he walked off the stage, but he figured he was in hot water with him from kind of being a vampire already. He felt like more of a vampire as he sat in the shadows, just watching from afar. His instincts told him to stalk him and then bite his neck, but his heart—or whatever he had within his chest—wouldn’t let him. He was sober from human blood for many years; he wasn’t going to mess that up just because he wanted a certain boy to stop annoying him with being attractive.

 

He stopped fighting with himself and got up from his bar stool, the end of his trench coat drifting upwards behind him as he walked over to where Kurt was sitting.

 

“Hey,” Sebastian said, his normal asshole expression stamped on his face. “Miss me?”

 

Kurt didn’t even look surprised as he glanced at him. “Sebastian, it’s only been two days. Of course I didn’t miss you.”

 

“But you were counting the days, so you did miss me on some level.”

 

“That just means I can count,” Kurt said as he stirred the ice cubes in his glass of water with his straw.

 

Sebastian sat next to him. Neither of them gave each other eye contact as they sat there and drank. There was music, growls, loud laughter and talk surrounding them; the sounds of feet moving and glass bumping against glass in the background. But it still seemed so quiet between the two of them as they didn’t make a move.

 

“So, uh,” Sebastian finally said to break the silence, causing Kurt to glance at Sebastian with boredom on his face. “Why did you sing that song?”

 

“Who are you now, Lorne?” Kurt said as he turned his glass in circles, and then added, “I sang it because I felt like it.”

 

As if he heard his name, Lorne walked past the two of them and gave Kurt a look.

 

“I don’t need therapy today,” Kurt said flatly.

 

Lorne nodded and smiled in the direction of a group of people. Kurt recognized two of them as the man and woman from before: Cordelia and Wes. There was a guy with a dark trench coat similar to Sebastian’s with them, too. He had a frown that looked embedded into his face.

 

“That’s alright,” Lorne said to Kurt. “That group of lost looking cuties standing over there is my cue to leave, anyway.”

 

After he left, Kurt and Sebastian were left in the silence of each other again. Well, they were until Kurt accidentally spilled his water on Sebastian’s lap. He had flicked his straw the wrong way and it made the glass flip just the right amount.

 

Sebastian swore and stood up immediately, wringing his shirt with his hands and glaring at Kurt.

 

“Sorry!” Kurt said, his demeanor sheepish. “I didn’t mean to, honest. That was a total accident.”

 

“Yeah, right,” Sebastian muttered darkly while still furiously wringing his shirt.

 

“I mean it,” Kurt said. “I’m not the one who lies to people, so you have no reason to doubt me.”

 

“Nice try, but I didn’t even lie to you.” Sebastian leaned on the bar counter and put his elbows on top of it. “It’s not my fault you’re so dense you can’t realize someone’s a vampire unless explicitly told.”

 

Kurt gave him the side-eye and said, “Excuse me, it’s not every day I just find out someone’s a vampire. I was getting used to the idea of them just _existing_. Hell, I should just get credit for not running away and screaming thank you very much.”

 

“You did run away with your tail in between your legs, though,” Sebastian said and sat one stool away from Kurt. “Not that I care.”

 

“Uh-huh,” Kurt said. He stopped playing with his straw. “I might have not freaked out if you had told me about being a vampire earlier, you know. I would have had more time to settle into that idea...being friends with a blood-sucking creature.”

 

“I don’t suck blood,” Sebastian said with a frown. “I don’t kill people. I had to give that up.”

 

“Oh my gosh, ‘give it up’. Wow, it must be such a sacrifice to give up _murdering human beings and drinking their blood as they die_.”

 

“Actually, yes, for your information, _princess_ , it is,” Sebastian growled. “It hurts. I’m starving all the time and then I see all these bare necks and… ugh. It’s bad.”

 

“Just jerk yourself off if you got it that bad.”

 

“You fuck off.”

 

“You came here to talk to me.”

 

“Yeah, it looks like I did,” Sebastian sighed. “I don’t know what I was thinking… coming over to your gayface in the first place.”

 

“Gayface? You’re going to have to do better than that,” Kurt said with an indelicate snort. “I almost pity your attempts to make fun of me now. Knowing you can’t kill me makes it that much easier.”

 

“You don’t even want to know why I can’t kill people anymore?” Sebastian said, his asshole expression slipping.

 

“It’s probably long, boring, and most likely a sob story. I live with my own head, so I get enough of that,” Kurt said.

 

“I can make it short,” Sebastian said.

 

“I bet you say that to all the boys before you bed them.”

 

“My god, you’re insufferable.”

 

Kurt gave him a toothy grin and turned away. “Okay. Come on, tell me. What is Sebastian The Vampire’s dreary story? It’s better if you do voices, by the way.”

 

“This isn’t a bedtime story, you cretin,” Sebastian said, but he leaned toward Kurt, anyway. “Get yourself comfortable.”

 

“You said this would be short.”

 

“Just shut up for one second, okay?”

 

“Fine.”

 

“Okay,” Sebastian said. “I… I’ve been a vampire for a long time. I’m probably old enough to be your father.”

 

“That would explain the wrinkles.”

 

Sebastian narrowed his eyes at Kurt and smiled tightly, shaking his head slightly.

 

“Okay, shutting up, I promise,” Kurt giggled as he held up his pinky.

 

“Are you sure you’re not drunk? Actually, don’t answer that, I’m going to finish this fucking story before you interrupt me again: I got turned and then I was a vampire, I killed people, blah blah blah, stuff happened.”

 

“Great details,” Kurt quipped.

 

“I’m serious. Shut up. I started going to bars to pick up men. I fucked them and then during post-coital bliss I sucked them dry. Shut up, that one was unintentional. So, I killed them after sex since they were all generally more pliant and exhausted then. Plus, I got sex. It was win/win.”

 

“Except for the ones who winded up dead, right?”

 

“It was win/win for me; did I really need to clarify?”

 

 “So, then… you stopped because the sex got bad?”

 

“You think you’re so witty. No, it didn’t happen like that. The sex actually got _good_. I started stringing along some of my fucks, like friends with benefits, but instead I’d kill them after a few more fucks—so, four days I’d let them live tops. This went wrong, of course, like all tragic vampire stories go.”

 

“You got attached?” Kurt asked, leaning towards Sebastian.

 

“Actually, one of them got attached to me. I don’t even remember this guy’s name, but he was a clingy bear cub. But to make this short, he made a deal with a demon, sold his soul to him, and that soul transferred to me because he fell in love with me. Now, I have a soul, so I feel bad about killing people. The end.” Sebastian tapped the counter with his hand and yelled at the bartender, “Can I get another shot of whiskey?”

 

“Wait…” Kurt’s face was blank. “I don’t get it.”

 

“Nothing to get. It just is. I already tried reversing it by going to various demons and even tried seeing if I had this gypsy curse that makes it so I must have true happiness in order to lose my soul, but nothing’s worked. I’m stuck with this sad little boy’s soul forever.”

 

“That would explain why you’re such a bleeding heart.”

 

“I need my damn whiskey,” Sebastian grumbled. He put his hand up and moved it in circles in the air as he talked. “The funny thing is—is that I would have killed and mugged and maimed even with a soul before I became a vampire. But the taste of human blood doesn’t leave you, and it begins to fester and…make you feel terrible.”

 

“You’re really eloquent when you’re kind of drunk,” Kurt deadpanned.

 

“I was expecting a different reaction from you,” Sebastian said in annoyance. “I thought you’d be crying for me, or at least be tearing up by now.”

 

Kurt looked up like he was thinking about it to himself. “Hmm. No.” Kurt had a sly smile on his face when he looked back down. “I guess I find you being a wimpy vampire too funny for me to pity you at the moment.”

 

“I am not a _wimp_.”

 

“You’re just a big softie hiding underneath that big trench coat.”

 

“Stop it,” Sebastian said through gritted teeth.

 

“Okay,” Kurt said. “Want to buy me a drink?”


	6. Another Town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt's drinking for free.

**Chapter Five: Another Town**

 

The days went by quicker after that night. It wasn’t the alcohol zapping his memory or perception of time, mostly because Kurt and Sebastian stopped having more than two drinks (Sebastian’s wallet needed a break). It was probably because Kurt stopped dragging his feet everywhere he went (the vampires were fast and agile).

 

Time passed, and Kurt would sneak off to _Caritas_ after work later and later. Whenever he arrived, he greeted Lorne with a smile, sang a song, and then sat down. Sebastian would come to him.

 

“Do you live here?” Kurt had asked Sebastian once. “Or do you just teleport whenever you feel my presence as a disturbance in the force? Is that something vampires with souls can do?”

 

“No. It’s just something I alone can do, obviously,” Sebastian had replied.

 

“…You can’t really teleport can you?”

 

“No.”

 

“Just making sure. Creep.”

 

“Hag.”

 

Sometimes Kurt would come into the bar and find Sebastian first. Those were the days Kurt felt the need to be closer to him, whether it was because he had dodged another vampire or because he wanted a drink, he didn’t know. He would normally find Sebastian in the corner of the bar, sulking somewhere in the shadows. It was amazing how much his face changed when he noticed Kurt approaching him, and then even more amazing how it reverted after Kurt told him to buy him a drink.

 

“Freeloader.”

 

“Stalker.”

 

“That was only one time, Kurt! One. Time.”

 

“I can take care of myself, and seriously, you have the worst sense of stealth in the world, especially for a so-called vampire.”

 

“Don’t make me bite you.”

 

When they weren’t trying to annoy the other to the point of drunken tears, they actually talked about things. They both seemed to steer away from the subject of what they wanted to do in the future, but anything before then was on the table. Kurt laughed at whatever Sebastian said (even intentional jokes) and Sebastian laughed at, with, and sometimes near him—it was the ultimate relationship.

 

“Kurt, you seem happier. Don’t tell me you’re knocking up someone and not telling me about it?” Mercedes said one day as they both reclined on their couch. Kurt was flipping through a magazine on the couch while Mercedes had papers spread around her sitting on the floor with her back leaning against the couch.

 

“That was contradictory. But, no, I haven’t nor will I ever knock someone up.”

 

“You know what I mean.” Mercedes lightly tapped Kurt’s leg with her hand. “You just seem kind of like you’re glowing. At least tell a girl your secret.”

 

“Moisturizer,” Kurt said, his eyes never straying from his magazine. “Lots and lots of moisturizers, and creams, and… duck fat.”

 

“Ugh. Forget I asked.”

 

Sometimes Kurt and Sebastian wouldn’t do anything at all in _Caritas_. Sometimes they would just sit next to each other, their knees touching the others’. That would only last for five minutes since they had to comment on whoever was singing, especially if it was bad. They also talked about things they liked: movies, music, plays, books, food, places. Sebastian would regale Kurt with tales of all the places he used to travel and how cultured he was because of it. Kurt thought Sebastian’s French accent was awful.

 

“Can we get off this food topic? I have no cravings for it, so I want to stop talking about it,” Sebastian said, shifting his position on his bar stool.

 

“You’re just jealous,” Kurt said.

 

“I am, you got me.”

 

“Fine,” Kurt said. He paused for a moment, and then continued, “Favorite musical. Go.”

 

“ _Urinetown_. You?”

 

“This question is too broad for me.”

 

“Are you serious?” Sebastian said skeptically. “I’m going to check out now if you think a question starting with the word ‘favorite’ is too broad for you.”

 

Kurt lowered his eyes and sighed. “Well, if you must know, it’s probably _Wicked_. But I just love so many different components to so many musicals that it makes it hard to narrow it down.”

 

“Components?”

 

“For example,” Kurt said as he pulled out his iPod and held it up, the screen displaying a Broadway soundtrack cover. “My choices for favorite love song, reprise, character—they all go into what I can choose as my favorite musical, but they’re all spread out.”

 

Sebastian snickered. “You would handle a question like this like that.” He waved his hand at Kurt and said, “If it pains you so much, you can skip it and I can count this as my victory in stumping you.”

 

Kurt scowled. “I don’t think so. I already gave you an answer: _Wicked_.”

 

“Yeah, but that wasn’t being honest with yourself, so you lose this round of twenty questions.”

 

“I didn’t even think we were playing a game.”

 

“Sweetheart, we’re always playing a game,” Sebastian chuckled.

 

“Oh yeah, a game of cat and mouse, and you’re the mouse, duh.”

 

“You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?”

 

“No one is ever going to let you live that down. Your own mother never let you live that down.”

 

“Way harsh. I told you about my mother in confidence.”

 

“You told me while you were drunk. Nothing is in confidence while you’re drunk, trust me. Everyone could hear you butcher Queen on stage, and we really, _really_ didn’t want to.”

 

“I really need to stop having drinks with you.”

 

Kurt laughed. “Stop bringing your wallet with you, and then you can say that. I can bring my wallet in its stead.”

 

Sebastian did a double take. “ _You_ would pay for my drink? It must be the apocalypse.”

 

“No, of course not.” Kurt patted him on the shoulder. “I meant there wouldn’t be a difference between you leaving your wallet and me bringing mine. I have no money.”

 

“Whenever I almost forget why I should hate you, all I need is to hear that and I suddenly remember.”

 

“Fuck you, Sebastian.”

 

“That can be arranged,” Sebastian said in a low voice, grinning and waggling his eyebrows.

 

“Ugh, no, Sebastian.” Kurt put a hand in his face. “Don’t do that.”

 

“We could be friends with benefits.”

 

“Yeah, because the last time you had a ‘friend’ with benefits that ended really well!”

 

“It hasn’t ended yet,” Sebastian muttered.

 

“What did you say?” Kurt asked.

 

“Nothing. So, favorite Broadway love song?”

 

Kurt raised an eyebrow but let it go in favor of smiling a little dreamily. “That’s a tie between ‘As Long As You’re Mine’ and—”

 

“Your originality abounds,” Sebastian drawled.

 

Kurt’s mouth set into a thin line as he bit out, “Fine.” He flicked his finger over his iPod and slid it towards Sebastian. Sebastian moved his head to see what was on the screen and raised his eyebrow. “It’s not conventional, but I also love the song ‘Sunrise’ from _In The Heights_.”

 

“I didn’t take you for the kind to go for a musical like that. Somehow, Spanish and rapping doesn’t seem like you.”

 

Kurt shook his head at Sebastian and held a palm over his chest. “I feel sorry for you. You should know that musicals are for everyone, regardless of their book cover.” He brought the iPod closer to himself and started the song, putting in his ear buds. “When the story gets to this particular song, the couple has just had off-stage sex, so you’d expect this song to be just how it starts. Instead, it launches into Nina teaching Benny Spanish words. But then, they start singing about _calor_ and _anoche_ and you see it reflect what you thought and it’s just a little bit sexy, but a lot more sweet and…” Kurt took off one ear bud and put it into Sebastian’s hand without touching him. “That’s my favorite part. It shows just enough for you to get the idea and more. There’s nothing sexier than the touch of the fingertips.” 

 

Sebastian had his mouth open in an incredulous stare. He then smiled and said, “I have no idea what you just said. What the hell does _calor_ and anoch _-_ ee even mean?”

 

Kurt rolled his eyes and put his iPod away. “It’s pronounced _anoche_ , you idiot. Also, they mean ‘heat’ and ‘last night’. Or, ‘sex’, if that’s a better way of explaining it to the likes of you.”

 

Sebastian smiled harder. “It is.”

 

“Great.”

 

-

 

“Spill.”

 

“Huh?” Kurt asked. He shook himself out of his small lapse into sleep and flicked his eyes towards Mercedes, who was frowning at him from her spot behind the counter of The Grind opposite Kurt. Kurt frantically held onto the coffee cup in front of him and then looked down and noticed it hadn’t moved an inch until he grabbed it.

 

“Look,” Mercedes said, her arms moving as she gestured, jiggling her purse. “I know I said I’d get off your back and give you time but it’s been a while since that, and I have noticed you sneaking off all the time. It’s seriously beginning to bother me. Where are you going all the time? Are you dealing drugs?”

 

Kurt gaped at her. “No. That’s preposterous!”

 

Mercedes narrowed her eyes as she stared back at him. “You’ve been acting weird lately. Weirder than usual. Happier and sadder than usual, too.”

 

“That makes no sen—”

 

“I will find out what’s wrong with you. Mark my words, boy. You keep tip-toeing out the door every night like you think I won’t hear your big ass feet stomping through our, need I remind you, _tiny_ apartment—it’s not a big ol’ condo like we used to joke about. I can hear everything, including you not snoring in your room.”

 

“Hey, I do not snore!”

 

“Yes, you do, honey. I even recorded it once at a sleepover just so I could scare my dog with it.”

 

“Kurtis, quit chit chatting and get back to work,” a blonde man in a green apron yelled from the backroom.

 

“Kurtis?” Mercedes repeated.

 

“Yeah, it’s a coping mechanism for him,” Kurt said. “He’s in denial that he will never meet Kurt Cobain.”

 

“Everyone in this city is so weird.”

 

“You have no idea.”

 

Mercedes shook her head, sighed, and then looked Kurt directly in the eye. “Remember what I said. Bye now.”

 

“I will hold your words to my heart,” Kurt called after her.

 

“If you don’t, I will hold them to your head like a you-know-what!” Mercedes said as she left.

 

-

 

“Kurt…” Sebastian said. He and Kurt were standing against the wall in Caritas. Sebastian wasn’t wearing his trench coat and just had his hands down his pants pockets.

 

“What is it, Sebastian?” Kurt had his phone out and was texting someone, the light of the screen illuminating his face and making his eyes look bigger and the shadow beneath them heavier.

 

“Are you seeing someone?”

 

Kurt stopped texting suddenly. “No.” He drew his gaze away from the text bubbles. “Are you?”

 

“No.”

 

Kurt hummed to acknowledge his answer and went back to texting.

 

“Cool,” Sebastian said without inflection.

 

“Indeed,” Kurt said.

 

After another bout of silence between them, Kurt spoke up, “Do you want to be seeing someone?”

 

“I’m not sure yet,” Sebastian said after some deliberation and what constituted as twiddling his thumbs when his hands were stuffed in his pockets. “Do you?”

 

“Kind of,” Kurt answered, looking at Sebastian and then behind him. “A part of me thinks I’m not ready to be in a relationship and a part of me thinks that the guy I like is so immature that it doesn’t matter.”

 

Sebastian snorted. “Well, maybe if the guy you like isn’t seeing anyone, and the guy I like isn’t seeing anyone else, then it doesn’t matter if we’re not seeing each other.”

 

“I’m looking at you right now.”

 

“Don’t get cute with me right now,” Sebastian said. “I’m trying to be serious here.”

 

“Key word is ‘trying’,” Kurt replied, still looking at Sebastian even when he turned his head away from him. “It’s okay, though.”

 

“I don’t want to label whatever…” Sebastian pointed his fingers between them. “…This is,” he continued.

 

Kurt sighed and stood taller. “We can say we’re friends.”

 

“But with benefits.”

 

“Sebastian—”

 

“Not that kind of benefits. Get your head out of the gutter.”

 

Kurt gave Sebastian a look. “Okay then, genius, what benefits are you talking about?”

 

“I’m not fucking and killing you.”

 

His language towards him should have shocked Kurt, but Kurt just snorted and said, “Well, I guess since I’m not doing that to you either, we’re both benefiting from this relationship.”

 

“…I’m glad we had this talk,” Sebastian said dully. “I’m going to go disappear into the shadows now, and maybe I’ll even brood. Night. Don’t let the bedbugs bite.”

 

“Good night, Sebastian. I’ll pretend you didn’t say that last part.”

 

-

 

It was dark when Kurt opened his bedroom door slowly, careful not to let it creak. He had on his maroon pea coat, two scarves, two pairs of gloves, his thick boots, and his stake in his arsenal. He debated bringing his wallet with him but decided a joke wasn’t worth actually losing it at some point in the night or early morning. That shit was expensive.

 

Sebastian was standing underneath a streetlight when Kurt climbed out of his apartment from his small balcony. He wasn’t taking any chances with his big feet “stomping” through the front door.

 

“Kurt,” Sebastian said from below. “Don’t fall down and die.”

 

“Thanks for the tip,” Kurt muttered as he concentrated on breathing and not looking down. He leaped onto his neighbor’s balcony on both legs, steadying himself on the railing.

 

“I’m not good at catching people.”

 

“Shut up,” Kurt said quietly. “I’m making enough noise as it is.” He walked down the rickety stairs leading to the last floor and hopped down the last few steps.

 

Sebastian whistled. “I’m surprised you survived.”

 

“I was a cheerleader, once.”

 

“I should have known…”

 

“I am censoring the rest of what comes out of your mouth for five minutes.”

 

They walked side by side to _Caritas_ with light chatter (with their conversation and with Kurt’s teeth; turns out pea coats don’t actually do much against the cold, but he thought he looked good so damn the temperature and rising dental rates). They were right outside the bar entrance when Kurt accidentally stepped on Sebastian’s foot, causing him to howl dramatically and declare, “Just because of that, I’m going to eat you. Your blood will be delicious.”

 

A stake flew through the air and landed right next to Sebastian, sticking into a crevice in the brick wall. Sebastian’s face blanched, which made him look sickly since he was always kind of pale.

 

Kurt whipped around and gasped. “Mercedes?”

 

“Run, Kurt! I got him,” Mercedes yelled as she threw two more stakes at Sebastian and held out the cross around her neck towards him. “You think you’re going to eat my man? Guess again!”

 

“No, stop!” Kurt held onto Mercedes’ arm before she could stab her stake through Sebastian’s heart. Sebastian gulped loudly and slid away from the wall. Kurt stepped in between Mercedes and Sebastian, teeth still chattering.

 

“What are you doing, Kurt?” Mercedes said. “I told you to stop going off alone at night!”

 

“Mercedes, stop—he wasn’t trying to eat me. The thought of that makes me want to, I don’t know, laugh and cry.” Kurt smiled, trying to diffuse the tension, and pointed at Sebastian. “Mercedes, that’s Sebastian. Sebastian, this is Mercedes. Sebastian is not an evil vampire. He drinks pig’s blood.”

 

“It’s really gross, so be thankful I’m not ripping you apart and divesting you of your innards right now,” Sebastian said, his lips curling into a snarl.

 

“Sebastian, _shut up_. You’re not helping.”

 

Mercedes eyes flickered between the both of them, her hand still held up in the air with her stake pointed.

 

Sebastian sighed and held out his hand towards Mercedes’ hand that didn’t hold a stake. “It’s nice to meet you. Kurt’s told me a lot about you. Like your name.”

 

Mercedes slipped her stake into her other hand and used that one to grab hold of Sebastian’s hand and shake it. “How nice. Kurt’s never mentioned you and your sad state of a hairstyle.”

 

“‘Cedes, I met him at this bar. It’s called _Caritas_ ,” Kurt said. Mercedes was still glaring at Sebastian, but Kurt continued, “It’s a sanctuary for both humans and demons, evil and good demons. It’s violence free because of magic. It’s safe and you can let go of Sebastian now.”

 

Mercedes ‘hmphed’ and let go of Sebastian’s hand, stuffing her stake back into her jacket pocket.

 

“Okay, now that we got that out of the wa—” Kurt began to say but was cut off by a vampire coming out of nowhere and pinning him to the wall.

 

Mercedes made a frightened shout, and dumped a bottle of water on the vampire before it could snap Kurt’s neck, causing the vampire to screech as steam rose off of it in loud hisses. It ran off, leaving Kurt to stare at Mercedes, Mercedes to stare at the bottle in her hand, and Sebastian to stare at the stake still stuck in the wall.

 

“What the fuck just happened?” Sebastian said.

 

“Yeah… Mercedes. How did you know how to fight off that vampire?” Kurt said, trying to catch his breath.

 

Mercedes giggled nervously and put the bottle in her jacket, too. “Sam gave me that bottle of Holy Water and the cross necklace as part of a God Squad parting gift. The stakes were roped together to be like crosses. I thought they were just silly nerd things but… they actually worked. Wow.”

 

“Wait, so you didn’t _know_ dumping the water on that vampire was going to save me?” Kurt said, his voice high pitched.

 

“Uh… maybe? Sort of?” Mercedes said. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter because it worked. I rock.”

 

“You really do,” Sebastian said with metaphorical hearts in his eyes. “That was amazing for a newbie.” He held his hand up in the air for a high five. Mercedes had such a high after all that adrenaline that she gave Sebastian a high five without any hesitation.

 

“I guess I should get a cross one of these days; I’ve been putting it off ever since I was kicked out of church,” Kurt deadpanned, but he was really annoyed on the inside, his eyes twitching as he spoke.

 

“You mean you don’t have one already?” Sebastian said.

 

“No. I just said I didn’t,” Kurt replied, raising an eyebrow at him and sticking his gloved hands into his coat’s pockets.

 

“What is wrong with you?” Sebastian said angrily. “I thought you had more self-preservation than that.” Then he said with condescension dripping from his mouth, “If you want to survive LA you need to be smarter than the 'roaches, sweetheart.”

 

“I have that stake you gave me,” Kurt said and frowned in sad confusion.

 

“Yeah, you think that’s going to be enough? What if it breaks? What if there’s more than one surrounding you and you’ll need more than one stake to fight with?”

 

Kurt scowled at him and said, “Yeah, well, what if the vampire sneaks up on me and kills me before I even notice there was one around? I doubt being prepared with all the weapons in the world would help me with resurrection.”  He walked past Sebastian and Mercedes. “And since you’re both so good at killing vampires, why don’t you two just stick together? Maybe Mercedes can end up killing you after all, Sebastian. Have fun.”

 

“Kurt, that doesn’t even make sense,” Mercedes said as she caught up to him and they entered _Caritas_. “If you suck and both of us don’t, it would make more sense for at least one of us to stick with you.”

 

“Ugh, I don’t care. I’m trying to get away from you two; can’t you take a hint?” Kurt grumbled. “Besides, Sebastian _does_ suck.”

 

Mercedes looked affronted. “Yeah, blood, I got it.”

 

“No, I mean he has a soul. So, he doesn’t drink human blood, which means he’s just not as strong as he thinks he is,” Kurt said, glancing at Sebastian.

 

“You’re not as thick-skinned as I thought you were, either,” Sebastian sneered.

 

“Okay, both of you need to stop and actually think with your brains for a moment,” Mercedes said.

 

Kurt glared at her. “I think I’m finally beginning to think with my brain, actually. We shouldn’t be in a place like this, Mercedes. We don’t belong here.”

 

“Hey!” Lorne said, coming over to the three of them in a red and black suit.

 

“Oh my god, is that the devil?” Mercedes gasped.

 

“Santana isn’t here,” Kurt whispered to her.

 

Mercedes looked at him for a few seconds and then burst out laughing.

 

“I don’t understand what’s so funny here,” Lorne said, looking at Sebastian’s pissed off expression to Kurt’s uncomfortable demeanor to Mercedes’ nervous hysterical laughter. “But,” Lorne continued. “There are a few microphones up on stage calling your names! Go on, you rascals!” He then scampered off because the bad energy coming from Sebastian was stifling his buzz.

 

“Hey, ‘Cedes, look at me,” Kurt said, cupping her face with his hands. “Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah, yeah,” she said, moving away from him. “I’m just...getting used to the scenery.”

 

“You knew about vampires before, though, didn’t you?” Kurt said quietly.

 

Mercedes nodded. “Yeah. I didn’t know you knew too. I thought you’d think I was crazy if I told you.”

 

Kurt smiled. _Wow, me too._ “How about that duet?” he asked, patting Mercede's shoulder.

 

Before Kurt could follow Mercedes onto the stage, Sebastian poked his arm. “Hey,” he said.

 

“Hey,” Kurt replied. He gazed at him warily. “I’m going to go sing with Mercedes now.”

 

Sebastian looked like he wanted to say something, but he just clenched his jaw and nodded, skulking off to the corner. He ordered a drink and watched them begin to sing, sighing as he sat on a bar stool away from everyone.

 

_“One of us is gonna be here and_

_One of us is gonna be running_

_Off alone into the great unknown._

_You’re not me; you’re a model of freedom_

_All you need are your kicks when you need ‘em_

_Come and go, caught that slow, alright…”_

“They have some tension there,” Lorne noted, standing next to Sebastian. “They should probably do something about it.”

 

_“It's the times we say_

_That no one's gonna take your place_

_It's a mistake to blow away_

_To blow away_

_We blow away.”_


	7. Sunday Matinee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're alone, they're together, they're alone.

**Chapter Six: Sunday Matinee**

 

“You did _what_?” Kurt shrieked while folding his clothes. He and Mercedes were at their apartment and Kurt had just finished dragging his laundry back from the Laundromat.

 

“Lighten up,” Mercedes said. She threw a sock at Kurt’s head. “It’s not a big deal.”

 

“You told Puck about _Caritas_. That’s like telling someone on a diet that there’s ice cream in the freezer.”

 

“It won’t be bad.”

 

Kurt fumbled with a shirt, gave up on folding it, and tossed it into the basket next to him. “I don’t want you guys to come with me.”

 

Mercedes frowned and quirked an eyebrow. “Well, we don’t have to go with you, then. We can go with each other and you can go alone. It’s not like you own the place just because you discovered it first.”

 

Kurt stared intensely at his stack of laundry and grumbled to himself. He picked the stack up and walked to his bedroom, saying, “I suppose Puck will fit in more than I do. With that Mohawk he’ll probably look like one of the demons.”

 

Around 4 PM, Puck knocked on their door. Kurt opened it and greeted him. “Puck!” he said with a smile. Then he slammed the door shut and walked past Mercedes. “I’m going out through the window, see ya down there.”

 

Puck opened the door himself and peered around it. “Everything cool here?”

 

“Yeah,” Mercedes said, rolling her eyes and yanking Kurt away from the window. “Kurt’s just being difficult.”

 

“Alright, sweet!” Puck said, ignoring Kurt as he walked inside and began eating some chips on their counter. “I can’t wait to see this bar with my own eyes,” he said through his crunching. “Y’sure they open on Sunday?”

 

“Yes,” Kurt answered. “I’m sure demons don’t care about the Sabbath. I went every night, including Sundays.”

 

“Didn’t know you had it in you to sneak out, Hummel,” Puck said, wiping his mouth with his hand.

 

“Please,” Mercedes said. “He doesn’t deserve a medal for that. Sneaking out is so high school.”

 

They drove to the bar in Puck’s car with Puck and Mercedes keeping up most of the conversation. Kurt gazed out the window hoping he would catch a glimpse of a certain vampire even though he knew it was fruitless—he hadn’t been waiting anywhere for him, which made sense, but it didn’t make him feel less of the twinge in his heart he was feeling.

 

Puck parked the car a few blocks away and they walked the rest, talking amongst their selves quietly. Mercedes had brought a bag with at least six stakes and gave one to Puck. Kurt had his lone stake with him, an act he chose with a haughty barely-there smile. Stupid vampires. He could beat them up without mass weapons of destructions.

 

“Oh, and when we were here the last time,” Mercedes said to Puck, walking in between Kurt and Puck. “I almost staked his boyfriend. It was hilarious.”

 

Puck laughed raucously. “That’s awesome. I bet Hummel pissed his pants.”

 

“It looked like it, but it was mostly the look on his boy toy’s face that almost made me crack up right there and then.”

 

“He wasn’t my boyfriend,” Kurt gritted out but Mercedes continued on like she hadn’t heard him. He was unamused.

 

When they arrived at _Caritas_ , they sat at a table not too far away from the bar and just a bit away from the stage. Just as Puck got up to order them some drinks, Brittany and Santana walked through the entrance after getting their coats looked through by the security guard.

 

“What are you two fools doing here?” Mercedes said.

 

“We got bored after singing for a bunch of old guys, and then we saw you so we followed you here,” Santana said and sat down in the seat Puck had vacated.

 

“It just keeps getting better and better,” Kurt said in a very sarcastic voice, his nose wrinkling in annoyance.

 

“Heard you guys talk about Kurt having a vampire beau. True or false?” Brittany said.

 

“They were talking about Mercedes trying to kill him, actually,” Kurt said. “But he’s not my beau. We’re just friends.”

 

“It didn’t seem like it when I saw you guys together,” Mercedes said.

 

“Apparently, whatever you saw between us made you think he was going to eat me, so you really can’t say anything,” Kurt said snippily, twirling his scarf with one finger.

 

“Santana always looks like she’s going to eat me. Especially when we have sex. She’s really good at eating me out,” Brittany said in her monotonous voice. “Lord Tubbington looks the other way.”

 

“He’s in our room while we bump uglies?” Santana exclaimed. “That’s gross, Britt. Let me know next time if you spot him before you put your hand up my vagina.”

 

“Having sex isn’t ugly,” Brittany said as her forehead creased in confusion. “Unless you mean you don’t want it.”

 

“Must the conversation always revolve around sex?” Kurt asked. “Also: gay. I don’t want to hear you girls talk about…whatever you do when you’re both girls.”

 

Santana smirked with a twinkle in her eye and was about to respond with graphic details when Sebastian sat down next to Kurt. He didn’t say a word; just put his feet up on another chair and looked at his watch. 

 

Mercedes coughed into her hand while Kurt said stiffly, “Can we help you?”

 

Sebastian grinned. “Yes,” he said while keeping his eyes on the tray of drinks Puck was carrying over to their table. “I’d like to have a dree frink tonight.”

 

Kurt raised an eyebrow. “Sounds like you already had one.”

 

Sebastian shook his head. “No, I bit my tongue.”

 

“Did it draw blood?” Brittany asked him, her eyes zoning on his mouth. “If it did, did you drink your own blood? Did that just make you thirstier?”

 

Sebastian had his mouth opened and his eyes carefully blank. “What on earth are you talking about?” He looked at Kurt and nodded at Brittany and Santana. “Who are they?”

 

“Just a couple of friends. They know you’re a vampire. Someone can’t keep her mouth shut.”

 

“I have no guilt; I have no shame,” Mercedes said as she took a drink from Puck.

 

“So, this is the boy toy?” Puck said as he shoved Sebastian’s legs off the chair and sat on it. “You guys look alike. Is that a gay thing?”

 

Kurt leveled Puck with a look and crossed his arms over the table, leaning on his elbows. “Have you been talking to Finn?”

 

“Hey, Puckerman. Don’t make me go Lima Heights on you if I know what you’re trying to imply,” Santana said, flipping her hair in Puck’s face and stealing two drinks from the tray while Brittany took three. Mercedes took one from Brittany and handed it to Kurt.

 

Brittany gave a drink to Sebastian, clinking it with her own. “Here, I want to see you drink it with your fangs.”

 

Sebastian accepted the drink and switched his gaze to Kurt from over the top of the cup. “You told them I was your boyfriend?”

 

“N-no,” Kurt stammered. “They’re just assuming, I swear.”

 

“Ah,” Sebastian said. He took a swig from his drink.

 

Brittany took a sip from her drink, winced, and dropped it in front of Puck. “It tastes like sandbags,” she said. She looked around the bar and noticed some people moving around in place to the beat of the cheesy background music. She tugged on Santana’s arm and said, “Let’s dance.”

 

“This is a karaoke bar,” Mercedes said, her brown eyes becoming blown from the alcohol. “You guys should sing. The host is really friendly, and then after you sing he tells you about your future.”

 

“Will he tell me what the winning lottery number is?” Santana said, her eyes lighting up. “Come on, Britt-Britt, to the stage.” They ran off as Mercedes said, “Nope.”

 

As Mercedes and Puck began talking again, and Mercedes started laughing louder as they drank, Kurt turned to Sebastian and said, “Well, looks like you finally got your own free drink.”

 

“This isn’t my first free drink, you know,” Sebastian said with a smug grin. “I wasn’t the only one paying for drinks to get guys in my bed.”

 

Kurt nodded slowly. “I see.”

 

Sebastian drank the rest of his drink, trying to make it last so he wouldn’t have to put down his cup and see Kurt’s face. He had to finish eventually, so he formulated a plan in the span of two seconds. He placed his empty cup on the table next to Santana’s and Puck’s empty cups, jerked his head around to face Kurt, and with an expression that made it look like he was in pain, he said, “You want to get up?”

 

“Get up?” Kurt said, unimpressed. “Is that some sexual innuendo or are you actually asking me to dance with you?”

 

“Dance with me, Kurt. Jeez.” Sebastian slipped his trench coat off, and added, “I’m even taking this off for you. Wouldn’t want to offend your sensitive eyeballs.”

 

Kurt tucked his scarf in around his neck and shivered. “I don’t know. I can’t really dance that well.”

 

“We can just stand around like we usually do then,” Sebastian said. He was already standing up, sliding his chair into the table. “Come on. I want to go back to normal.”

 

“You want to forget what happened last night?” Kurt asked, looking up at him.

 

Sebastian nodded. “For now, anyway. I just want to spend time with you right now.”

 

“Wow,” Kurt said. “You’re actually admitting that?”

 

Sebastian scowled and held out his hand. “Come on, before I change my mind and leave your ass here, and I pick up someone else and fuck them into next Tuesday.”

 

“You don’t have the stamina for that.” Kurt stood up, buttoned his coat, and put his hand in Sebastian’s. “Monday morning is the latest.”

 

The music cut off just as they walked over to a spot where a couple of other groups of humans and demons were sort of dancing at. Brittany and Santana had gotten settled on the stage and were sitting on two stools, microphones in hand. The karaoke music started up.

 

“This is that song I was talking about,” Kurt whispered to Sebastian as Brittany and Santana started singing. Kurt and Sebastian had to stand closer together as more people huddled together and swayed with the music, the lights dim as all the blue light was focused on the stage.

 

_“Are you ready to try again?_

_I think I’m ready_

_Okay. Here we go…”_

 

Sebastian felt odd, with his hands on Kurt’s hips and Kurt’s hands grasping his arms awkwardly as they barely moved. He had been in this position before in every seedy bar he could think of, but it was always to deafening music that let him and whomever he was dancing with grind against each other until they both got worked up enough to suggest taking it elsewhere. That usually led to full-on sex in a dark room, sweat and stains on the sheets, and then blood dripping down his legs and onto the carpet. He would rinse in the bathroom, and then repeat it the next night.

 

But in that dark and incredibly strange bar among demons and humans and monsters alike—some who were just like him, yet not—he felt hotter and more intimate than he felt before. His hands gripped onto Kurt’s hips as he felt Kurt’s fingers slide up his arms and around his shoulders.

 

“ _Anoche_ ,” Santana sang.

 

“ _Last night_ ,” Brittany sang back.

 

“ _Dolor._ ”

 

“ _Pain_.”

 

_“That’s right.”_

 

Kurt and Sebastian seemed to look at each other directly at the same time, their noses bumping against each other for a moment before they corrected their movements. They laughed a little, and then quieted down.

 

“This is going to sound cliché, but I’m suddenly caught in your eyes,” Sebastian whispered.

 

“The correct phrase is ‘lost in your eyes’, but you get points for trying,” Kurt replied sarcastically.

 

“Can I get a kiss for trying?” he said, his face screwed up in another expression of embarrassed pain.

 

Kurt’s hold on Sebastian tightened, but then his body loosened up as he looped his arms around Sebastian’s neck and tilted his head just so to press his lips against Sebastian’s. It was chaste, but it left the both of them breathless.

 

“Was that good?” Kurt said shyly, blush covering his cheeks.

 

“It was great,” Sebastian replied, his throat suddenly dry. He coughed and amended with, “Anything is great after not getting anything at all for a few months.”

 

“I should be upset with you for ruining the mood, but,” Kurt said, licking his lips. “You really haven’t been having sex with anyone on the side while seeing me?”

 

“I told you I wasn’t seeing anyone else.”

 

“Yeah, but that was meant as dating, not one-night or four-night stands.”

 

“I’ll say it again: I wasn’t dating or fucking anyone because the only one I wanted to date and fuck was you,” Sebastian said.

 

“Eloquent as always,” Kurt said and kissed him again.

 

_“…I will be there_

_Al amanecer.”_

-

 

After Brittany and Santana ended their song, a blue demon took center stage and started singing Perry Como’s ‘Catch A Falling Star’.

 

Kurt was sitting alone at the table since Puck was over in the corner of the bar trying to impress a bunch of girls and Mercedes was gabbing with Santana. Brittany was talking to Lorne in what seemed to be a deep conversation. Sebastian had gone to the bathroom.

 

Kurt noticed Cordelia come into the bar, but with another white girl with long brown hair and glasses instead of the men she was usually with.

 

“Hey,” he said as Cordelia passed him. “Are you still doing that Angel program?”

 

“Angel program?” the girl next to Cordelia asked, her southern accent making her voice sound like it was quivering even more than it was.

 

“He means Angel Investigations, Fred,” Cordelia said to the girl. She smiled at Kurt and said, “Indeed I am! We accept cash and checks.”

 

“Oh, I’m not buying your…services right now,” Kurt said. “I was just wondering, just in case.”

 

“Well, that’s still good. Tell anyone else you think might be wondering, too, okay? Supernatural crime rates are on the rise!” She then beckoned Fred to come with her and walk up to Lorne, who had finished talking to Brittany and sent her on her way.

 

“What’s an Angel program for?” Brittany said, sitting next to Kurt.

 

“That woman told me they hunt ghosts and fight demons or whatever.” Kurt shrugged. “I’m thinking if I run out of stakes, I can just call them and they’ll come in and kill the vampires. Or give me more stakes.”

 

“So, they’re like Ghostbusters policemen slash firefighters slash dogcatchers,” Brittany said.

 

“Yes, Britt. Exactly like that.”

 

The Fred girl was now sitting on a stool on the stage, trying to get through the song ‘Crazy’.

 

“Hey, I recognize that girl,” Mercedes said as she stood behind Brittany’s seat. “She graduated from UCLA a while ago but all the professors in the science department still talk about her like she’s this present genius. Her picture’s on the wall and everything in one of the halls.”

 

“Thank god you said science and not the theater or music department,” Kurt said as he cringed at her singing.

 

Suddenly, a demon walking in front of Fred was shot and killed, falling to the ground as screams, the sound of tables crashing to the ground, and glass breaking filled the air. 


	8. Small Figures In A Vast Expanse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They try a new change.

**Chapter Seven: Small Figures In A Vast Expanse**

Kurt ducked underneath the table the moment he saw the demon’s face freeze into an expression of pure horror as it died. Mercedes and Brittany joined him underneath as a group of men stormed into the bar and started randomly firing at demons and killing them.

 

“I thought the sign said no violence,” Mercedes muttered as she pulled out her phone. “I’m texting Santana to tell her to stay exactly where she is.”

 

“Where is she?” Brittany asked as silent tears streamed down her face. “Stop the violence. Stop the violence.”

 

“She went to the bathroom,” Mercedes answered, frowning at her phone.

 

Kurt lowered the table on its side so it was covering them as he heard shouts. He mentally winced when he heard the cups getting knocked off the table and falling on the ground, but no attention was spared towards them. He tried peeking around the table to see what was going on but Brittany pulled him back just as he glimpsed Lorne coming around from behind the counter with his hands in the air.

 

The chaos ended as someone from the group of shooters started aiming his gun at Lorne and speaking to another black man stepping in front of Lorne. Kurt had exhaled a sigh of relief when the man did, and then felt guilty immediately for rather wanting a human to die than a demon. He pushed that feeling aside as he concentrated on his own safety. That was actually worse since he started becoming consumed by fear and anxiety, much like how he felt when he had first entered _Caritas_ after chasing down a really fast cat, except now he didn’t have Lorne to calm him down.

 

Mercedes held onto his hand. “We’re going to be okay,” she whispered. Brittany was hugging her side. “Santana’s alive and said she locked one of the stalls.”

 

Kurt suddenly remembered Sebastian. “Oh, fuck, why doesn’t he have a phone?” Kurt mumbled and craned his neck to look around for him. There were dead demons strewn on the floor, and Fred was crying on the edge of the stage. Wes ran onto the stage and picked her up, running off to safety, crunching glass underfoot. No Sebastian.

 

“Maybe he’s with Santana,” Brittany whispered to Kurt, her big blue eyes staring at him.

 

“Santana’s in the girl’s bathroom,” Mercedes said.

 

“So? Plus, demons can have four genders,” Brittany said as she motioned to Puck, who was hiding in the corner of the bar next to a dead female demon with an angry look on his face, to come over to them. Puck stayed put.

 

“Okay, shut up, y’all. I’m going to pray now,” Mercedes whispered as she put her hands together and closed her eyes. “You’re welcome to join me.”

 

“No thanks,” Kurt muttered.

 

“I already did,” Brittany replied.

 

The shooting ended almost as quickly and as suddenly as it started. Some demons and a vampire started fighting the group of men and even Fred had used a crossbow somehow. The details escaped Kurt as he and Mercedes stood outside the bar, watching everyone else run out of it. Brittany and Santana had gotten a cab and Puck had driven away.

 

“He’s alive, Kurt, don’t worry,” Mercedes said as they waited. She shook her head. “It figures that this thing would get destroyed after we walk into it. Our glee mojo butchers everything we touch.”

 

Kurt kicks a stone with his boot. “It isn’t fair. I felt at home there. Now it’s ruined.”

 

“Why would you distance yourself from all of us and go to non-humans, Kurt?” Mercedes asked, frowning. “Don’t you know that avoiding your problems hurts you more than it helps you?”

 

“Of course I do,” Kurt replied, wiping at his face. “I like confronting issues as much as the next guy but… it just seemed easier that way. Singing for no one but me.”

 

Mercedes sighed. “You can sing for yourself, Kurt. But doing everything alone? That’s a whole other story.”

 

“I wasn’t alone. I had Sebastian.”

 

“He was with you alone too. He didn’t even tell you he was a vampire until days after you met, right?”

 

“What does that have to do with anything? We all have secrets.”

 

“Never mind, Kurt.”

 

“No, wait,” Kurt said, stepping closer to Mercedes. “I get it.”

 

“You do?” Mercedes said with a raised brow.

 

“It’s okay that I like music. It’s great that I depend on it so much. But it’s not good when I only place who I am through music,” Kurt said. “I think. I can’t think right now.” He rubbed his eyes with mild frustration.

 

“You’re fine.”

 

“Lorne’s better at this,” Kurt said and sighed tiredly. “I can’t rely completely on myself.” He held onto Mercedes’ hand and squeezed. “I need to admit when I need help, and stop myself from being a horrible human being when you want to help me.”

 

Mercedes smiled. “See? That wasn’t so bad.”

 

Finally, Sebastian was one of the people to come out of the bar. He looked haggard as he looked around frantically, and then stopped when he saw Kurt, leaping over to him as Mercedes shuffled a bit to the right.

 

Kurt hugged him and then said into his ear, “You forgot your trench coat.”

 

“I don’t care,” Sebastian said. “I will tomorrow, of course, but right now I don’t care. I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

 

“It’s fine,” Kurt said.

 

“Are you two love birds done now?” Mercedes cut in. “We’ve been freezing our butts out here and Puck took the car with the warm heater in it. Also, we’ve survived a murder spree. Can we get a move on and you guys can talk tomorrow?”

 

“Today,” Sebastian said as he pointed to his watch.

 

“You guys can talk _later today_. I need my sleep. I have school in four hours,” Mercedes said. “Let’s hurry up and go.”

 

-

 

In the early morning before Mercedes got on the train and Puck slept through his normal routine of getting up for pool cleaning and work, Kurt left his apartment. He snuck out through the balcony of his room so he didn’t wake Mercedes from her much deserved sleep.

 

“Hey,” Sebastian said as Kurt came into view from underneath a streetlight, wearing his trench coat. “You want to go to my apartment now?”

 

Kurt nodded.

 

“This doesn’t have to mean we’re together,” Sebastian continued as Kurt walked up to him.

 

“It just means we’re ready?” Kurt asked as they held hands.

 

“If we were ready we wouldn’t be talking about it like this.”

 

They hid from the moonlight, their hands tightly clasped together as Sebastian led Kurt to his apartment.

 

When Sebastian began fumbling around his trench coat’s pockets for his keys, Kurt stopped a few feet behind him, rigid. Sebastian stuck the wrong key into the doorknob twice, but got it open on the third try. The door opened and Sebastian walked inside, and then turned around to stare at Kurt through the doorway.

 

“Are you coming?” he asked. “You can still back out. I won’t mind.”

 

“A lot happened tonight,” Kurt murmured. He stepped inside, closing the door behind him absentmindedly with one hand as he leaned into Sebastian and kissed him. They stumbled backwards together, kissing and touching like their lives depended on it. Their coats fell onto the floor, draped one over the other in a wrinkled pile. Their hands traced each other’s skin, the moonlight illuminating them through the blinds.

 

They fell asleep before they could take their socks off.


	9. Small Figures In A Vast Expanse II (Terrible Love)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt walks with spiders.

**Chapter Eight: Small Figures In A Vast Expanse II (Terrible Love)**

Two days after that night, Mercedes met with Brittany standing out on the pathway to her and Santana’s house as smoke rose from the building. Firefighters were spraying the house with water from their hoses.

 

“You want to run that over with me one more time?” Mercedes asked, shivering in her fluffy coat.

 

“I thought there was a ghost in the house,” Brittany said, her blonde curls hanging around her face and some sticking to it, wetting them with her tears. She was holding onto Lord Tubbington, his face an agglomeration of disagreement and cattiness. “So, I threw the pan I was using to cook the eggs without babies in them at the ghost, but it was a man and it took away Santana. She was petting Lord Tubbington and I finally caught her doing that but then she was gone and Lord Tubbington was meowing like I took away his cigarettes again.”

 

Mercedes almost didn’t believe her, but then she remembered where she was. “Right. So you just decided to set the house on fire?”

 

“The man did,” Brittany said, even though she was the one who set the house on fire.

 

“Where the hell is Santana now?” Mercedes said.

 

“The man took her,” Brittany cried. “Haven’t you been listening to me?”

 

Mercedes looked at the house and then back at Brittany, who was now sitting on the curb and kissing Lord Tubbington on the head, rocking back and forth on the heels of her slipper-clad feet.

 

“Come on,” Mercedes said, pulling on Brittany’s arm and hauling her up with her. “I’m taking you back to my apartment and then we’re telling the police.”

 

-

 

When they reached Mercedes’ and Kurt’s apartment, Sebastian was standing at the door. He backed up and then ran towards the door, lifting his leg to kick it open.

 

“Don’t you dare, Smythe!” Mercedes yelled, yanking him away from the door before he could hit it. “What the hell do you think you’re doing, trying to break into my apartment?”

 

“He wants to drink Kurt’s blood,” Brittany said, caressing Lord Tubbington’s meowing face.

 

Sebastian ducked out of Mercedes’ grasp and panted, staring at both of them wildly. “I just need to make sure Kurt’s okay.”

 

Mercedes glared at him. “You don’t have to break down my door to do that, bub. I have keys,” she said as she dangled them in front of his face.

 

Once she opened the door and held her arm out to let Sebastian in first with a mocking grin on her face, they noticed the overturned couch and the broken television set.

 

Mercedes gasped, taking it all in as Brittany set Lord Tubbington down. Sebastian walked through the mess and called for Kurt, opening the door to Kurt’s bedroom and disappearing inside.

 

Mercedes flipped the couch back up and clicked her tongue as she put her hands on her hips. “What’s going on?” she said to herself.

 

“Lord Tubbington is safe, so can we tell the police now?” Brittany asked Mercedes, sitting on the couch behind her. “I forgot my phone at home so I need to use yours.”

 

“You’re going to have to go for someone better than the police,” Sebastian said as he stepped back into the living room, his fists clenching and unclenching sporadically. His face was also grotesque, his eyes darkened and narrow. His fangs were out, as well, and Brittany pointed at them.

 

“Use them to dismember the ghost-man who took Santana,” she said.

 

“I’m going to dismember who I know took both her and Kurt,” Sebastian growled as he walked over to Mercedes and placed a card in her hand. “You need to call these people and tell them you suspect ‘the soul sucker’ took them. I’ll try to find them myself, but in the meantime, it wouldn’t hurt to have backup.”

 

Mercedes read the card and mumbled, “Angel Investigations? Sebastian, how do you even know who—” He was gone before she finished speaking. Her mouth closed shut, as she looked around grimly. “I guess we have to do what he says, Britt.”

 

-

 

Kurt woke to the sound of someone yelling.

 

He figured he had been sleeping, but realizing the person yelling sounded just like Santana, he tried sitting up. He bumped his forehead against a wall, or a ceiling, he wasn’t sure. He pressed his hands up and around him but couldn’t get them far out. His eyes adjusted to the darkness as they gazed into it.

 

“Oh my god, Santana! Santana!” Kurt yelled as he started punching at the walls surrounding him, ignoring the pain sending electric bolts through his arms.

 

“Kurt!” Santana’s muffled voice rang from somewhere around him. “We’re trapped. I already broke three nails doing what I think you’re doing.” Her voice shook as she spoke.

 

“Are you in a box?” Kurt shouted.

 

“What?”

 

“Are you in a box?”

 

“Yeah! What did you think we were in, dumbass?”

 

“I think I’m in one, too!  We must be close to each other, but we have to stop yelling or we’ll lose our air.”

 

“Shut up then!” Santana yelled back. Kurt heard her trying to kick at the walls.

 

 Kurt gulped in air as he tried steadying his breath. He laid still, his heart beating frantically. He remembered then what happened earlier that day. He had been getting ready to go work at The Grind after coming back from pool cleaning at four houses when a man came through the open door at the balcony.

 

“Who are you?” Kurt had said, pulling out his stake from his boot.

 

“I’m the Repo-man. That won’t help you,” the man had said, looking at the stake. “It’s time for Dave Karofsky to pay his debt.”

 

Kurt’s eyes widened. “What are you talking about?” Kurt composed himself and narrowed his eyes at the man, dropping his stake and picking up a knife from his other boot, never taking his gaze away from the man. “What does Dave have to do with me?” he said as he pointed his knife at the man.

 

The man said nothing and launched at him. Kurt dropped to the floor behind the couch, causing the man to hit the TV that had been placed in front of the couch. He turned around quickly and stepped on top of the couch, landing right behind Kurt and grabbing him before he could escape through the window. Kurt tried stabbing the man, but the man cut off his blood circulation at the back of his neck, causing Kurt to drop the knife and fall to the floor limply.

 

Now, Kurt was lying in what seemed to be a coffin. All he had was Santana as company, but she had stopped talking and just resumed her kicking and punching as she tried to dig herself out. He couldn’t help but think about Sebastian, lying in the dark. He had nothing else to do but think. He wasn’t even wandering around stupidly after sundown. He wondered if the looks, and the insults, and the drinks were nothing more than seemingly friendly rivalry or something akin to some twisted kind of foreplay. _But then again_ , he thought sadly, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. _None of that matters anymore._

 

The morning after, they were both still there in Sebastian’s bed inside his apartment. Sebastian had been awake, sitting up and staring at the ceiling, his mouth set in a deep frown. The blinds were closed, so it was dark. Black curtains draped over the blinds and it was utterly quiet. Kurt hesitantly put his hand on Sebastian’s shoulder; jerking him out of whatever thoughts he had been contemplating himself and making him glance down at Kurt. Kurt stroked his skin softly, the sheets pulling around his body as he turned more towards Sebastian.

 

“It didn’t happen,” Sebastian said.

 

“What didn’t happen?” Kurt murmured.

 

“I didn’t lose my soul,” Sebastian answered, his eyes piercing Kurt’s through the darkness. “I thought for sure I would have my one moment of happiness and I would lose it and go back to normal, but nothing happened. I’m still here.”

 

Kurt stilled his hand on Sebastian’s shoulder and slid away from him sharply, sitting up and staring at him. “That’s… _That’s_ what you meant by wanting to go back to normal? You meant go back to your normal self—the self that kills people and drinks their blood like a warm meal?” he bit out.

 

Sebastian stared at Kurt with a strangely unfeeling expression on his face. “What? Did you actually think I was doing this for anyone but myself? Hanging around the likes of you? Just be honored I didn’t just fuck and kill you like I’ve done to so many others before you. I just fucked you.”

 

“If it doesn’t sound like you’ve lost your soul right now,” Kurt said, his voice wavering as he slipped out of the blankets and bent down to pick up his clothes. “Then, I just don’t know you. I realize now that I probably never did. Mercedes was right,” he said, steeling himself and forcing the tears back. He put on his clothes, each article pressed onto his skin feeling like a stab to the heart. “Even when I was with you, I was still alone,” he said, his hand on the doorknob.

 

“You can just go fuck yourself, Sebastian,” Kurt continued harshly. “I’m sure you’ll be happier that way. You truly deserve yourself.” He put on his coat, storming out of the apartment and out of Sebastian’s life, and only then did he let the tears fall.

 

At least, he thought he had gone out of Sebastian’s life. It now seemed like he was stuck in it if being stuffed in a box was any indication. Vampire-esque coffin: strike -1,000,001 against Sebastian.

 

(The other -1,000,000 points were from breaking his heart.)

 

-

 

“ _Whenever I feel afraid, I hold my head erect. And whistle a happy tune, so no one will suspect I’m afraid…_ ” Kurt sang softly to himself, hands against the wall.

 

“Oh, shut up, Hummel. Please, spare me,” Santana hissed.

 

“Fine,” Kurt said. Then, softer than his singing, he heard sniffling and full on sobs. “Santana, are you crying?” Kurt said, raising his voice as quietly as he could.

 

“Shut up,” Santana said again, her voice even more muffled.

 

“ _Somewhere over the rainbow… Blue birds fly…_ ” Kurt started singing again.

 

“Really?” Santana yelled.

 

“My mom used to sing it to me when I was scared,” Kurt said.

 

“I’m not freaking scared,” Santana said loudly as Kurt continued singing softly, the vibrations of his voice entering her coffin through the ground (fuck science). “And that’s so cheesy; you’re singing a song your mom sang to you? Are you serious?” She licked her lips, tasting some of her salty tears. “Please don’t stop,” she said, willing the song to lull her to sleep—just anywhere but where she was now.

 

-

 

“Angel Investigations, we help the hopeless!” Cordelia said from behind a desk, phone in hand.

 

Mercedes and Brittany had followed the address on the card Sebastian gave them, which had lead to a place called the Hyperion Hotel. It was chaotic, demons talking to a couple of humans and all the humans were trying to talk to other people, whether on the phone or somewhere in the vicinity.

 

“Um, you can help us,” Mercedes said, but Cordelia was nodding to someone else.

 

“Hey, I can help you!” the Fred girl said as she walked over to Mercedes and Brittany. “Sorry, we’re just kind of busy today. I’m the only one who can help you right now.”

 

“Great,” Mercedes said. “Two of my friends have been taken by some demon guy called ‘the soul sucker’. Can you help us find them?”

 

“Sure!” Fred said, smiling. “Let me consult with our demon expert first, and eat some lunch. I haven’t eaten anything since we’ve just been so busy!” Fred began to walk towards Wes, who was talking to a group of demons in cloaks.

 

“What are you having?” Brittany asked as she and Mercedes followed Fred.

 

“Tacos,” Fred said.

 

“Oh my god, I love tacos,” Brittany squealed monotonously.

 

“They’re so good and cheesy!” Fred said excitedly. “My stomach is growling just because it knows they are nearby.”

 

“Guys, I love that you two love food, but I don’t think Kurt and Santana would appreciate dying because you two were busy talking about Mexican food,” Mercedes interjected, raising an eyebrow at them.

 

“Right, sorry,” Fred said sheepishly. “Wesley! Wesley!” She raised her hand in the air, getting Wes to look at her from over the demons’ heads.

 

“He’ll be right with us,” Fred said in a formal tone, then switched to a friendlier one: “So, the ‘soul sucker’, huh? Sounds like your friends must have gotten into some trouble with vampires.”

 

“Maybe,” Mercedes said, shrugging. “It was a vampire that told us it was the ‘soul sucker’ that took them, anyway.”

 

-

 

“I’m running out of songs, Santana. My voice is getting hoarse,” Kurt said, pushing his palm flat against the sidewall. He didn’t have the energy to continue doing much of anything.

 

“I can sing now, but be forewarned, I have no idea what lullabies would be suitable for this situation,” Santana said.

 

“The songs I sang weren’t lullabies. ‘Somewhere Over The Rainbow’, for example, was from _The Wizard of Oz_.”

 

“I’ve never seen that movie.”

 

“After we get out of here I am sitting you down in front of the TV and forcing you to watch it.”

 

“Deal. I’ll bring the chips. Well, that’s if we get out of here.”

 

“Oh, never mind, we can’t even watch it _when_ we get out of here.”

 

“Uh, why not? I highly doubt you of all people would forget to bring a campy musical movie with you on the move to here.”

 

“When the Repo-man—” Kurt did quotation marks with his fingers as he said the name before forgetting Santana wouldn’t see them. “—came to get me, he broke our TV. That was Mercedes’ TV, actually. Mine was too big for the apartment. Oh, she’s going to be so pissed.”

 

“I didn’t even notice what’s-his-name coming at me. He came out of nowhere and knocked me out before I could slice his face with the many knives I keep hidden in my hair.”

 

“I’m not even going to pretend that’s accurate, or else you would have been trying to slice up the walls by now.”

 

Suddenly, light struck his face, making him cover his eyes with his hands.

 

“Kurt’s in this one!” a voice said.

 

Hands grabbed onto him and pulled him up. He was then being carried in someone’s arms; the person’s walking across uneven ground jostling him in his arms, and placed gently on a cushioned seat. It smelled like old lunch. Kurt opened his eyes. He was sitting inside Puck’s car.

 

“Puck,” Kurt said as he saw Puck walk away from him without saying anything and run over to Brittany, Mercedes, and Fred who were all standing around a hole in the ground with dirt piles on the side. He saw Santana sit up, her head the only thing visible from where he was. It was evening, and the light that had flashed in his face was the flashlight that was being flashed in Santana’s face as she screeched and slapped it away from Puck, pulling herself out of the coffin. Brittany hugged Santana fiercely and Santana wrapped her arms around Brittany’s neck, then pulled back and peppered her face with kisses.

 

Mercedes jogged up to Kurt and hugged him, her torso leaning over and into the car seat, basically smothering him, but Kurt didn’t mind. He hugged her back, finding solace in her warmth and the smell of her perfume.

 

“I was so scared, boo,” she said, detaching herself from him and stepping back. “But don’t worry, Angel and Fred stopped anymore demon-y people from trying to get you and Santana.”

 

“What even happened?” Kurt asked.

 

“It was a deal gone wrong, as far as I know,” she said. “Angel’s going to do some more investigating.”

 

“You got Angel Investigations to find us?”

 

“Yep. Sebastian gave me their business card. He’s the one who knew who took you guys,” Mercedes said, grinning.

 

“Sebastian,” Kurt said flatly.

 

“You bastard!” Kurt jerked his head to look around Mercedes and saw Santana punching Sebastian, who had seemed to finally appear, in the face. “It’s because of you we were buried alive, isn’t it, you sick, sick, bastard!” she yelled as Sebastian tried shielding himself with his hands, his face in his vampire state.

 

Kurt scowled and turned away from the scene, shifting forward in his seat. “Can you close the door, Mercedes?”

 

“Sure,” Mercedes said quietly. “Once Puck, Santana, and Britt get their butts over here we’ll be heading home, don’t worry.”

 

After a few more minutes, everyone got into the car. Kurt didn’t discern whether any disclosure of payment happened with Angel and Fred since he closed his eyes and rolled up the window so he didn’t have to hear (theoretically) Sebastian and Santana talk to each other.

 

“Santana’s staying with Puck and Britt’s staying with us for a while,” he heard Mercedes say as the car started. “Their house got burnt down a little bit.”

 

“I gave Sebastian one of my Hello Kitty Band-Aids after Santana beat him up for you,” Brittany said. Kurt blinked his eyes open and looked over at her. He saw her frown to herself and say, “Somehow that didn’t help.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta isn't finished so ending it here right now. Will post rest later.


	10. Putting The Dog To Sleep

**Chapter Nine: Putting The Dog To Sleep**

“Guess who’s joining us in this already crowded apartment?” Mercedes said at breakfast the next day. Brittany and Kurt were eating cereal on the couch (staring at the broken TV and making up what was happening on the screen) while Mercedes was standing in the entry way of the balcony, holding her phone.

 

“Bueller?” Kurt asked as he put a spoonful of cheerios in his mouth.

 

“My sister,” Brittany said.

 

“You’re both wrong. How did that happen?” Mercedes said while rolling her eyes. “Sam and Sugar are coming over to visit us.”

 

Kurt blinked at her. “That’s…a strange combination.”

 

“I don’t even remember who those people are,” Brittany said.

 

“You don’t remember what you had for breakfast yesterday,” Kurt said.

 

“I didn’t have any because I threw it at the ghost-man,” Brittany replied, shoving her cereal in her mouth afterward and keeping the spoon in her mouth longer than necessary.

 

“Shut up,” Mercedes said affectionately, pocketing her phone and sitting in between them on the couch. “Sam is just being a good boyfriend and doing what I told him to do.”

 

“Which would be…?” Kurt trailed off.

 

“Giving me more holy water and crosses, of course,” Mercedes said. “If yesterday taught me anything, it was to be more prepared and careful of all the horrible things here if I want to stay in LA.”

 

“Do you?” Brittany asked with her mouth full.

 

“Of course,” Mercedes replied. “I love my school. I love my singing. I even love staking vampires when it’s easy.”

 

“You should stake Sebastian for thinking Kurt was easy,” Brittany said. Kurt elbowed her but only managed to spill some milk onto his lap. He sighed in resignation and got up to get a napkin and clean it up.

 

“Okay, but why does Sam need to come here to give you godly gifts?” Kurt asked as he pulled out a napkin from a stack of them on the counter. “Couldn’t he just send it in the mail like any other sane person that doesn’t have the money or time to travel over 1,000 miles during the school year?”

 

“Because I want to see him. I know you ain’t got a boyfriend anymore, but knowing that isn’t rocket science.” Mercedes got up and stood next to Kurt in the kitchen. “Speaking of which, are you going to tell me what happened with that ill-mannered boy of yours?”

 

Kurt shook his head minutely as he dabbed at the front of his pants with his napkin.

 

“Of course you won’t, you still haven’t decided to let me help you. You say one thing, and then do another,” Mercedes grumbled. “Do you want me to be Rachel, is that it? Because I can sing ‘Hot N’ Cold’ right now if it helps you make up your mind faster.”

 

Kurt pursed his lips. “No, Mercedes. I don’t want you to change yourself into a munchkin just to please me. I’m the one who needs to change. I’m just sorry I can’t do it for you right now.”

 

“Or ever,” Mercedes said.

 

“Yeah,” Brittany said, coming up behind them, Lord Tubbington waddling at her heels. “What are we talking about?”

 

-

 

Sam and Sugar arrived in a cherry red convertible. They were both wearing sunglasses—Sam had boring ones and Sugar’s was shaped like hearts.

 

“Hey, old glee clubbers!” Sugar shouted as Mercedes and Kurt waved at them from Kurt’s balcony. Mercedes blew a kiss at Sam and Sam pretended to catch it, and then have it escape and smack him in the cheek, throwing his sunglasses off his face. When Sugar stepped out of the car, she stepped on them with her white high heels unknowingly. Sam mourned over it quietly.

 

Once they were all in the apartment, Sam and Mercedes went and locked their selves in her room. Kurt decided not to think about what they were doing. Santana was in the apartment too, talking with Sugar and Brittany. Sugar had Lord Tubbington on her lap, sitting on the couch and laughing at whatever Santana was saying in between sips of lemonade.

 

“Whenever the guy comes in to check on us and make sure we don’t have drugs or pets or whatever, we just toss Lord Tubbington in the bathtub and throw towels over him. The inspector was too frightened to look too deeply there last time,” Santana said with a snort.

 

“Wow, amazing,” Sugar said. “Anyway, I have brought you something!” She opened her light green and pink bag and pulled out a giant red heart box. “This is to convince you to let me in on your act!”

 

“Our act?” Santana repeated.

 

“We’ll take it,” Brittany said as she opened the box and immediately devoured two chocolates.

 

“Yeah,” Santana said as she ate the chocolate that Brittany held up for her to bite. “But we’re not letting you sing with us to make some official singing trio. That takes away the fun,” she said after chewing and swallowing.

 

“Aw,” Sugar said with defeat. “Then I’m taking away these chocolates!”

 

Brittany grabbed four more before Sugar could close the box, and Santana tried wrestling the box from Sugar’s hands.

 

Kurt rolled his eyes, and then stopped suddenly when he saw a familiar figure in a trench coat standing on the balcony.

 

Santana’s eyes narrowed as she saw him. “Come on, ladies,” she said, snatching the box from Sugar at long last. “Let’s leave these two alone for a bit… But, Sebastian?” She made a fist with her hand and gestured punching the heart box. “We will be right outside the door, so if anything happens, you will die. I will call Mercedes and she will stake you to death.”

 

“Mercedes is nailing Sam here,” Brittany said.

 

“…Mercedes will hear you trying anything with Kurt _after_ she orgasms, and _then_ she will stake you to death,” Santana amended.

 

Sugar stared at Santana. “You’re so cool.”

 

“Can you not?” Kurt said with annoyance. “I appreciate the thought, even if it’s kind of gross, but can you just leave now? I swear this room will collapse just because the occupancy is overloaded.”

 

They left the room (not without Santana and Brittany pointing two fingers at their eyes and then at Sebastian to make sure he knew they had their eyes on him). There was a chill, but it might have just been because the door to the balcony was still open and the cold wind was coming in.

 

“What do you want, Sebastian?” Kurt said, crossing the room and standing in front of Sebastian with his arms crossed and his hackles raised.

 

“I…I want to apologize,” Sebastian said, eyes fixed on Kurt’s face.

 

Kurt cackled grimly. “Really? It’s a bit late for that, isn’t it?”

 

“I don’t want it to be.”

 

“And I don’t want to forgive you.”

 

“Just hear me out, okay?” Sebastian said. “I went and talked to Angel to get the whole thing with the ‘soul sucker’ settled this morning.”

 

“I am two seconds from pushing you off the balcony right now,” Kurt said as he glared at Sebastian. “Get to the point.”  

 

Sebastian sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Can I come in and sit down?”

 

Kurt stared at him, not bothering to hide his distaste at the idea.

 

“Okay, fine,” Sebastian said. The wind made his coat billow around him. “I do like you.”

 

“You have a horrible way of showing it.”

 

“I know I do. I just didn’t like you at first, but then I ended up… _liking_ you.”

 

“Get. To. The. Point.” Kurt put his index finger and thumb up and pushed them together. “ _This_ close to staking you.”

 

“I’ll try to keep this short, but I can’t really guarantee it.” Sebastian sat down on the balcony, gazing up at Kurt from afar. “I told you about the guy who gave me a soul, right? Well, I realized his time was almost up when Jenoff, the ‘soul sucker’ demon he sold his soul to, started sending his henchmen to watch me. I guess they were keeping an eye on the soul that was owed. I panicked, and I knew I had to get rid of it soon or else it would be the soul I had come to own being sucked out and not…Dave’s.”

 

“So you do know his name,” Kurt said solemnly.

 

“Yeah, I lied to you about that, too.”

 

“Unsurprising. What happened to Dave after his soul transferred to you?”

 

“I don’t know. Last I heard, he was living happily somewhere else. Maybe someone else’s soul transferred to him or maybe he just doesn’t need one.”

 

“…This is making my head hurt.”

 

“Yeah, now imagine having all this information inside your head and not being able to tell anyone.”

 

“I can imagine that very easily, thanks.”

 

Sebastian hesitated, and then continued. “Since I knew my time was coming to an end, I knew I had to get rid of my soul. I tried all these various methods that other people and demons told me would help, but like I told you before, nothing worked. And then… I realized the solution was right in front of me the whole time.”

 

Kurt blinked at him, realization dawning, and said faintly, “You had to fall in love and decide to transfer your soul to someone else.”

 

Sebastian nodded, frowning.

 

“So, all those times we sat around and talked at _Caritas_ while you bought me drinks, you were, what, grooming me to be your victim?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Kurt gazed at him; angry tears slipping down his face and chin. “That’s not how you love someone.”

 

“That’s why my plan failed,” Sebastian said, looking away from Kurt. “I did start to fall in love with you, though, if even just for a little bit if that knowledge helps at all.”

 

“It just makes it worse.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“If you were sorry, you would…” Kurt shook his head. “I don’t know. I just can’t trust you to be sorry. Or have anything you say mean something. There’s nothing you could do to be sorry.”

 

“I’m telling you why I did what I did right now, aren’t I?” Sebastian said.

 

“That’s for your own piece of mind, not for mine. Because, you see, Sebastian, when you have a soul, you feel bad about killing people _and_ hurting them, unless you’re a psychopath,” Kurt said, biting his lip. “And I don’t think you’re a psychopath. Not yet, anyway.”

 

“Kurt,” Sebastian said, standing up suddenly and trying to come in.

 

“Stay back! I swear I will kill you if you come any closer!” Kurt yelled, bending down to pull off his boot with his stake in it.

 

Sebastian got the door open, but couldn’t come inside. He groaned as he pushed his hands against the invisible wall. “I completely forgot,” he muttered.

 

Kurt held his stake and blinked at him. “What?”

 

“You have to invite me in,” Sebastian said sourly. “I’m a vampire. I hate this.”

 

“I don’t. This means I don’t even have to use _one_ stake to survive ‘the roaches’ right now,” Kurt said with a smirk. He shut the door on Sebastian’s face and turned around. “Goodbye, Sebastian. Leave a message at the beep.” As he began to walk away, he heard Sebastian mumble something. Kurt shook his head to himself and started in the direction of his room.

 

“ _I don’t know what to do, now that I’ve found you_ ,” Sebastian sang, wincing as he got the words out.

 

Kurt stopped, slowly turning back around to face Sebastian, and cagily gawked at him.

 

“ _So, how do you say help me_?” Sebastian sang.

 

“You skipped the Spanish,” Kurt said quietly.

 

“ _Ayudame_ ,” Sebastian continued, butchering the word slightly.

 

“And how do you say promise me?” Kurt said.

 

“ _Prometeme_ ,” Sebastian sang.

 

“I really do want to sing with you,” Kurt said abruptly, stepping forward. “And as romantic as this is… What happens if you do fall in love with me?”

 

“Can we figure that out together?” Sebastian asked.

 

“I don’t know. I really don’t want your soul. It’s shriveled up and black by now.”

 

Sebastian huffed a laugh. “Yeah, it probably is. I got it from Dave, so it’s his fault.”

 

Kurt gave him a look.

 

“Okay, it’s my fault,” Sebastian grumbled. “You happy now?”

 

“Not quite,” Kurt said as he came closer. “When did you start falling in love with me?”

 

“I remembered your favorite song; doesn’t that tell you enough?”

 

“ _Beep_ , wrong. That’s my favorite love song, not favorite song overall.”

 

“That’s probably too broad of a topic for you to have a favorite in, though.”

 

“You would be correct in that assumption. But it doesn’t matter since remembering my favorite love song just means you have a good memory.”

 

“I might have loved you when you vomited on me.”

 

“You’re a liar.” Kurt sighed and re-crossed his arms. “Why else did you need to lose your soul so badly? Despite you talking about self-preservation, I didn’t get the idea that you wanted to live as much as you thought you did.”

 

“Hey, I value self-preservation for myself, too. Just because I'm dead doesn't mean I can't... die. But…those men…and those demons…other vampires,” Sebastian said, spitting the words like they were poison. “They kept saying I was inept. I can’t stand feeling inadequate, much like I can’t stand the stench of public transportation.”

 

“You wanted to pillage towns just because a bunch of freaks were picking on you?” Kurt said incredulously. “Just because people are making fun of you doesn't mean you need to enact revenge on them...especially in your case, when that revenge involves murder. When Dave threatened my life, I didn't try to seek retribution against him. I wanted him to live a better life than I was living.”

 

“Dave threatened you?” Sebastian said, eyes widening. “You never told me about that.”

 

“We’re good at not telling each other things.”

 

Sebastian pressed a hand to his forehead and closed his eyes, muttering, “Well, you’re a better person than I am, so, of course you didn’t want revenge.”

 

“I wouldn’t say that if I were you,” Kurt said, sitting down in front of Sebastian. “I wanted his better life to not come at the price of my own, so I blackmailed him. I was able to get some form of justice, but selfishly. But…I suppose I still did it without hurting everyone around me, so, yeah, I'm better than you.”

 

“You didn’t hurt anyone? What about Dave? Do you think he knew you were trying to help him?” Sebastian asked flatly.

 

Kurt looked down his nose at Sebastian. “I was helping him even though I owed him _nothing_. I…” Kurt stared at Sebastian, but he was looking at his reflection in the sliding door. “I hurt Mercedes.”

 

“Huh?” Sebastian said.

 

“She stood up to Dave for me. But I still shut her out. I…still shut her out now.”

 

“I don’t see how that has to do with this current conversatio—”

 

“Shut up, Sebastian,” Kurt said, holding a hand to his forehead. He flicked his gaze to Sebastian completely and added, “We both need help.”

 

“That much is obvious,” Sebastian deadpanned. He straightened up, tilted his head as he looked at Kurt, and then asked, “What has been bothering you? You know, other than the fact I made our post-coitus time the opposite of blissful by betraying you.”

 

Kurt almost laughed darkly at that but he restrained himself. His eyes grew dim.

 

“Are you sad?” Sebastian asked, his voice like a mist falling around Kurt as Kurt leaned against the sliding door.

 

“It’s hard to explain,” Kurt whispered. He then chewed on his lip, and declared, “I’m not inviting you in.” Kurt opened the door and stepped onto the balcony and stood next to Sebastian. He held both of Sebastian’s hands in his own and walked backwards into the apartment. “Come on in with me.”

 

Once they were both in Kurt’s room, sitting on his bed closely yet far away, Kurt said, “This doesn’t mean I trust you. I’m just putting my trust _in_ you… for a test run.”

 

“A test run. Sounds efficient,” Sebastian said.

 

“Why did Jenoff send his henchmen after Santana and I?” Kurt asked. He crossed his legs, moving the covers beneath his feet.

 

“It was my fault,” Sebastian replied. “I noticed one of his henchmen at _Caritas_ the day of the shooting. He must have thought I was transferring my soul to you then, and then when I hid with Santana while the shooting was happening, he must have thought I was transferring it to her instead. I don’t know what he saw in the soul archive, but it must have looked weird… My soul being stretched between two entities. But it wasn’t between you and me; it was just me, as cheesy as that sounds.”

 

“Your entire existence is cheesy, I have to say,” Kurt said as he gestured to Sebastian’s trench coat. “Your CW hair does you no favors. I have no idea why I’m attracted to you.”

 

Sebastian grinned and said, “Maybe I can get one of those gypsy curses to get a permanent soul.” He leaned towards Kurt. “Then we just can’t have sex ever again, but we can still be happy without me having to transfer my soul to you.”

 

“Happy? That sounds horrible,” Kurt said. He pressed himself into Sebastian, Sebastian’s trench coat covering both of them. “You know I only love you for your body.”

 

-

 

“How about this, is _this_ good enough for you?” Sugar said as she pulled up in another car—a blue convertible—in front of Brittany and Santana, who were walking back to Mercedes’ apartment after singing at the animal shelter.

 

“You bought us a car?” Santana exclaimed.

 

“I call shotgun,” Brittany said as she hopped in.

 

“So, about that inclusion in your act?” Sugar said as she applied lipstick to her lips, hiding her smugness.

 

“You are so in,” Santana said as she got into the car as well. “Goodbye to walking everywhere!”

 

“Goodbye strange bumps on my feet,” Brittany said.

 

“Hello joyriding!” they said at the same time as Sugar made the car speed off into the distance.

 

Meanwhile, on the sidewalk outside ‘the condo’, Sam was freaking out.

 

“I can’t believe vampires are real. I am over the moon, Mercedes. Over the moon,” he said, grinning with his gigantic mouth.

 

A vampire popped out of a manhole and started running towards Sam, but Mercedes staked it before it could get its hands or teeth on Sam.

 

“Whoa,” Sam said, staring at Mercedes through the falling dust. “I am so turned on right now.”

 

They made out as they walked inside the apartment complex. Mercedes pulled back and asked, “Ready for round three?”

 

Sam could only nod.

 

-

 

“You don’t need a curse to keep your soul, Sebastian,” Angel said. He was sitting in his office in the dark as usual. He had been brooding before when Sebastian had knocked on his door. Sebastian now stood in front of his closed door; trench coat buttoned up and one hand in his pocket while the other held a mug.

 

“I don’t? I can keep it just the way I am?” Sebastian asked. He almost broke out into song then and there. (But he didn’t because he was Sebastian.)

 

“Well, yeah,” Angel said, his expression never changing from its permanent state of outward apathy. “You have to make the decision to transfer your soul. It doesn’t just happen like how you can suddenly lose your soul.”

 

“So that means Dave didn’t fall in love with me; he completely sold me out! That cunning fucker!” Sebastian said as he kicked a chair.

 

“Hey, no violence,” Angel said from over his mug as he drank his pig’s blood.

 

“This isn’t _Caritas_ ,” Sebastian said as he scowled.

 

“Look,” Angel said, wiping his mouth. “You’re just like me when I was younger. Reckless, arrogant, stupid.”

 

“I’m none of those things.”

 

“No, you are. Don’t even try to deny it.”

 

Sebastian scowled even harder.

 

“You’re going to feel like you don’t need a soul many times in your life before it dawns on you that having one doesn’t mean you have to suffer,” Angel continued. “You just need to do the right thing while having it. If that means letting go of human blood, you do that. If it means living on the streets, do that. If it means walking girls home from bars, then that’s what you need to do.”

 

Sebastian snorted and grinned to himself.

 

“Redemption comes in different flavors. Decide which one is best for you,” Angel said.

 

“I wish pig’s blood came in different flavors,” Sebastian said as he dumped the contents of his mug in the trash.

 

Angel stared at the trashcan, then at Sebastian’s mug. He then switched his gaze to Sebastian and said, “Let’s never talk to each other again.”


	11. Acoustic Version

**Chapter Ten: Acoustic Version**

Kurt kicked at the broken pieces with his teal steel-toed boots. _Caritas_ was even more ruined than it had been before. Lorne had been waiting for its reopening, but then some horrid baby-stealing jerk blew it up again so Lorne was just 1001% done with it all.

 

“It’s time for me to move on, too,” Kurt said to himself. He heard something else crunching broken pieces but turned around too late; a vampire’s open mouth with fangs bared blocked his vision. Kurt closed his eyes in fright, but heard a _woosh_ and then felt dust prickle his skin. He opened his eyes and saw Mercedes standing in front of him with a stake out, looking at Kurt like he was the dumbest person on earth.

 

“You are the dumbest person on earth,” Mercedes said, shaking her head. “You’re leaving for New York soon, right? If not, you need to do it just because I can’t baby-sit you and your boyfriend anymore.”

 

Kurt laughed. “Yeah, don’t worry, ‘Cedes. I won’t be imposing on your hospitality any longer.”

 

“Good, because even though I do love staking vampires with gusto, watching your back all the time is getting difficult. When I said you needed to admit you needed support and help, I didn’t mean _this much_.” Mercedes smiled at him and lowered her stake. “I am going to miss you, you know, annoying habit of leaving out details and all.”

 

“Hey, I had to ease myself into this ‘baring my soul’ thing. Doing it through music is easy, now doing it with people...ugh.”

 

“I know, I know.” She kicked a broken bottle and watched it shatter into a million glass shards against the wall. “You’ll still keep in touch with me, right?”

 

“Of course,” Kurt said.

 

“You need to send me videos or sound bites of you hitting the stage,” Mercedes said. “Even if it’s in a karaoke bar.”

 

“NYADA has one of those just for the students, so I’m sure Rachel and I will have many duets there,” Kurt said with a smile.

 

“I never said I wanted to hear her voice again. Though the girl really can sing.” Mercedes frowned. “Don’t tell her I said that.”

 

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Kurt and Mercedes started walking away from the remains of _Caritas_ , the sunrise coming up and out of the alleys.

 

“I’ll call you,” Kurt said as they strolled along the sidewalk, a few palm trees swaying in the light wind. “And if I don’t, you can leave me scathing Facebook messages.”

 

“Sounds good to me. We should challenge each other with Farmville, too.”

 

“…That’s pushing it.”

 

“Hey!” Puck’s car pulled up next to them. Puck poked his head out his window and slid his arm out, banging it against the door. “Need a lift?”

 

“Where are you going?” Mercedes said as she and Kurt got in and put on their seatbelts.

 

“I’ll drop you guys off just before the corner reaching your ‘condo’. I’ve got some more moms to see.”

 

“Please don’t talk about your conquests while I’m here, Puck. It was bad enough when I was still cleaning pools with you.”

 

“Nah, man,” Puck said, head bobbing with the rock music on the radio. “I’m writing screenplays now. Hot moms love the shit I put out. It’s going to be the next _Twilight_.”

 

“Please tell me you’re joking,” Mercedes grumbled.

 

“Oh, god,” Kurt said as he stared at the back of Puck’s head. He turned to Mercedes and added, “I’ve had enough of these stories about vampire romances, haven’t you?”

 

-

 

“Will we still keep in touch?” Sebastian asked as he and Kurt both lay in the dark, blankets and sheets twisted around their naked bodies.

 

Kurt flopped on his back, hands fluffing his pillow underneath his head as he smiled. “Yes.” He turned solemn and said, “But I think we should break up.”

 

“What… but why?” Sebastian said with alarm. “This was break up sex? You should have warned me; I would have made it better for you and then you wouldn’t want to break up with such a sexy beast like me.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Kurt said, laughing at Sebastian’s face. “That was my iota of revenge for what you did to me before.”

 

Sebastian’s face twisted into a scorned half-smile as he hit Kurt with his pillow. Kurt continued laughing. When they settled back down, Sebastian asked Kurt seriously, “We can handle a long distance relationship, can’t we?”

 

“I’m more worried about handling an entirely nocturnal relationship if we ever decided to keep this up in person.”

 

Sebastian frowned and sat up against the headboard. “I’m working on that.”

 

“Oh?” Kurt sat up slightly, hand pressed into the mattress to brace his upper body.

 

“Yeah, there’s got to be something out there that lets me become human again.”

 

Kurt kissed his shoulder, breathing in his skin. “I don’t want you to change for me.”

 

Sebastian smiled. “Please don’t break out into song.”

 

“Don’t worry, I’m restraining myself. I’m saving that for when I’m with Rachel.”

 

“You really are making me feel better about losing you,” Sebastian said, placing his hand on Kurt’s back gently. “I am so glad I will never meet this girl.”

 

“Oh, shut up,” Kurt said, looking up at Sebastian. “You’d relate to her so well. You’re both annoying.”

 

Sebastian tried hitting him with his pillow again but Kurt parried with his own pillow. In some ways (most), they didn’t mature at all. But at least they could have sex without either of them crying afterwards, and in a lot of ways (most), that meant what they had was enough.

 

-

 

“Hummel Tire and Lube.”

 

“Hey, Dad.”

 

“Kurt? How are you, kiddo? It’s been a while!”

 

“I know. I’m sorry.”

 

“I’m just glad you’re talking to me now, son.”

 

“I think I’m ready to talk to you now.”

 

“That’s good, that’s very good. How’s Mercedes? You two still with each other?”

 

“Oh, yes. We haven’t killed each other yet.”

 

“You kill Puckerman?”

 

“He’s fine. I haven’t shaved his Mohawk off, either.”

 

“Did you…meet any cute boys?”

 

“ _Dad_.”

 

“This is painful for me to ask, too!”

 

“Okay, yes, Dad. I actually did.”

 

“…He treating you right?”

 

“If your definition of right matches his, then yes.”

 

“Kurt—”

 

“Yes, Dad, he is. He’s…a gentleman, I suppose.”

 

“You _suppose_? What man have you gotten yourself into? Wha—why are you laughing?”

 

“Sorry, I almost forgot you weren’t Sebastian. He’s my boyfriend and he has…a really fun way with words.”

 

“Well, invite him over for dinner next time you come home. Thanksgiving break?”

 

“You really mean it?”

 

“I need to dust off my flamethrower in advance, of course. Need to make sure it’s working properly.”

 

“Oh, of course. Please don’t kill him, Dad.”

 

“I’ll leave that to you. So, everything’s good. You don’t need any help with money or anything?”

 

“Nope.”

 

“Good.”

 

“But I’ll keep you posted if I do.”

 


	12. Completely Optional Epilogue

**Completely Optional Epilogue**

“And then I destroyed her,” Rachel said with a grin.

 

“I’m so proud of you. Destroy those pitiful freshmen,” Kurt said dryly.

 

They were inside a little coffee shop in New York, but they were drinking hot chocolate to splurge a little in celebration of Rachel’s triumph over Cassandra July and her class of mediocre dancers. Kurt had enrolled in NYU, declaring a major in music therapy at the moment. He still yearned for the Broadway stage, but he decided to keep up with his dreams in smaller steps. Rachel had dumped Finn and Brody and was now dating Jesse, who she had met up with at a protest about freeing the horses of New York. Rachel wore more scarves than Kurt did since her ‘activities’ with Jesse involved a fetish for biting, so the hickeys were a bit harder to hide. She loved having Kurt as a roommate since she could borrow his scarves and sing to him her problems, or just sing about making breakfast.

 

“I almost felt bad for them,” Rachel continued. “One of them was a guy named Broadway, so I thought he’d be heavy competition but, oh boy, was he not!”

 

“Broadway?” Sam said, sitting down at their table. “Like the guy from _Gargoyles_?”

 

Rachel and Kurt stared at him.

 

“How did he get here?” Rachel said to Kurt as he facepalmed.

 

“Oh, I decided to take a trip for fun. I’m texting Mercedes all my photos until she tells me to shut up,” Sam said, taking a photo of Rachel’s hot cocoa and sending it to Mercedes. “What, is a high school student spending money and time on a trip from Ohio to New York on a whim not feasible or something?”

 

“Hey,” Sebastian said as he sat down next to Kurt.

 

“Sebastian? What are _you_ doing here?” Kurt said as he balked.

 

Sebastian grinned. “I decided to move here since one vampire with a soul was enough in LA. Angel’s the resident brooder, so I have no place there anymore.”

 

“True, no one can beat his brooding skills,” Sam said. Rachel continued staring at him like he was an alien.

 

“But no one is like that in New York, right?” Sebastian said, scooting his chair closer to Kurt. “So, now I have it all to myself,” he added, gazing at Kurt and smirking. Kurt and Sebastian smiled at each other for a moment, causing Rachel to excuse herself and mouth to Kurt to ‘get some’.

 

“Oh, and guess what?” Sam said, breaking their moment. “When I saw Jesse the other day, I noticed he had really pointy front teeth when he smiled, kinda like fangs.” Sebastian’s face blanched as he and Kurt stared at Sam in shock. Sam continued, “He should really see Mercedes’ dad. The dental rates these days are crazy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mercede's dad is a dentist
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Jesse is a vampire with a soul
> 
> get it


End file.
